Little girl holding up a pair of large hoop earrings: Mom, can I get these?
Mom: No, your dad will kill me.
Little girl: No, he can’t because of the restraining order, remember?
Mom: Oh yeah, you’re right.

Claire’s - Maplewood Mall
Overheard by Bess.

Drunk Guy: Come one, Paraplegics are fun!

Sergeant Prestons
Overheard by Biff.

Drunk Chick: The mayor of St. Paul is fuckin’ awesome!

Harriet Island
Overheard by Ryan and Andie.

Guy #1: Why do you have so many bowling balls?
Guy #2: BECAUSE IT MAKES UP FOR MY SMALL PENIS!

Flaherty’s Bowling Alley