Co-worker on cell: Remind me we need to get a card for Bill*. His mother died. (pause) No, it’s his father he hates.

cafeteria at work
Overheard by the co-worker’s co-worker.

Wife: It’s not that hard to take my pants off, but it is hard to get action.

NW Suburbs
Overheard by Confused Husband.

Student: What are those things in Egypt called that are like pyramids but they’re not shaped like pyramids?

Suburban High School Classroom
Overheard by Severely Confused Teacher.

Office Guy #1: I finally finished all of the readings for my class. We had to read three stupid essays by Thoreau. One of them he’s just talking about ant battles.
Office Guy #2: I hate battling with ants.

Smoking area outside the office
Overheard by nosy.