Girl talking loudly on cell phone: No, I’m not talking about the clubs that normal people go to. I am talking about the ones that non-normal people go to.

5th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by Non-Normal Guy.

Old man: …That General Casey, you know, over there in Iraq. Well, I don’t know if he’s actually in Iraq, or if he’s in Baghdad.

My house

Drunken party goer: Thats a really cute dog.
Drunken party goer w/dogy: Yeah, she has diabetes.
Drunken party goer: Ohh.
Drunken party goer w/dog: If you touch her she’ll die.

UST gathering
Overheard by Your mom.

Filthy old man: *unintelligible*
Woman with baby: What?
Filthy old man: *unintelligible*
Woman with baby: What??
Filthy old man: You’re the first white woman I seen with a white baby.
Woman with baby: Oh. Honey don’t look at that guy.

university ave bus stop
Overheard by then why are there so many white people?

Little Girl: What’s abundance?
Sunday School Teacher: It means a lot of something. What has God given you in abundance?
Little Girl: Cousins!

Calvary Church
Overheard by My sister.

College student: I wish my homework was asexual so it would do itself.

uptown apartment
Overheard by That’s deep.

Farm-raised college guy: This is like the first year I’ve ever missed pig-killing.
College girl: How sad. I know how enjoyable that can be.

U dining center
Overheard by The third guy at the dinner table.

Guy suggesting phrases heard in a courtroom: What about pleading the third? Put pleading the third up!

Health class
Overheard by only one more quarter.

Misguided girl: He won’t have sex with me. That’s how I know he likes me.

My neighbor’s garage
Overheard by Shaking my head.

Very “non-judgemental” person: Those religious people are the judgemental ones!

Holiday Inn Burnsville
Overheard by Pam.

Girl: My ex-husband was crazy and I don’t miss him. I do miss his mom a lot, but not his dad. His dad was crazy too. He totally got his nuts from his dad.

Caribou

Drunk hockey fan #1: (to the pep band) Let’s hear some Louie Armstrong!
Drunk hockey fan #2: You mean Neil Armstrong.
Later on, same pair, watching team parents on the ice for “parents day.”
Drunk hockey fan #1: Man, there’s a lot of parents, huh?
Drunk hockey fan #2: Yeah. I’d say at least twice as many as guys on the team.

UMD hockey game vs Denver
Overheard by My, alcohol is a wonderful thing.

Girl in stall 1 to girl in stall 3: If he wore that shirt, he’d a be a pedophile, but he’s hot, so it’s okay.

Shout House, Minneapolis
Overheard by Girl in Stall 2.

Little Boy Blue: A chicken donated his body to science?!

BodyWorld
Overheard by Not donating my body.

Soon-to-be-sworn-in lawyer in line at the pre-event brunch: Oh, man, if this is just continental breakfast, that will not do. There’d better be hot shit, and there’d better be meat.

The Minneapolis Club
Overheard by I couldn’t agree more.

Middle aged man talking on the phone while he waits for his son having a procedure: I don’t know, Eric is back there somewhere. I think he’s having his uterus scanned.

UMMC waiting room
Overheard by anatomically confused.

Girl talking loudly on a cell phone: Since December 7th, 2005, I have had NO penis in my life.

Mall of America entrance
Overheard by Guy with a penis.

2nd Grader: My dad says Oklahoma is the dumbest state in the union.

West Metro Elementary School
Overheard by MT.

Drunk Guy: James* you’re breathing like a rapist!

Nicollet Ave.

Students discussing weekend plans
Girl: I’ll probably be calling you at 3 am saying “can you come get me out of jail?”
Guy: That’s cool. I’ll probably be shooting pool in some guy’s basement, so I’ll be around.

U classroom
Overheard by guy with no weekend plans.