Mother to small child: This is the last parade I am taking you to.

Holidazzle parade
Overheard by aeh.

Guy: You owe me 26 bucks.
Girl hands him a twenty.
Guy: What about the other six?
Girl: Consider it asshole tax.

U dorm laundry
Overheard by silently laughing eavesdropper.

Man #1: So how is Christmas shopping going?
Man #2: My wife wants another diamond tennis bracelet. I’m amazed she can lift her arm anymore.
(pause)
Man #2: So, are you going to the in-laws for the holiday?
Man #1: No, her parents are both dead.
Man #2: How is that working for you?
Man #1: Great!

Dunn Brothers Central Ave
Overheard by Bigcat.