Customer (man) in line at cleaners: $5 per item for drycleaning??? (long pause) What if I offered you $4?

Cleaners near 50th & Bryant
Overheard by customer behind him.

College girl: Yeah. I usually throw up but last night I didn’t so that was good I guess.

Dining Center
Overheard by Mr. Ross.

College guy to girl (looking out the window): Man, I bet it would be fun to be a squirrel right now…

Dining Center
Overheard by Mr. Ross.

Girl #1: I like lemon, it’s light and refreshing.
Girl #2: Like Lysol.

U of M dining hall
Overheard by the next table over.

Co-worker #2 reciprocating to Co-worker #1: Well, I had a dream last night that I stabbed you.

Thomson Corporate Skyway, Eagan
Overheard by Concerned Co-worker #3.

Guy in pleated blazer: We should get some heroin this weekend. I’ve got two papers due this week and then I want to be unconscious from Friday night til Sunday night.

U of M dining hall
Overheard by the girl behind the guy in the pleated blazer.

Dim student #1: I thought a ’science and the humanities’ class would be easy, but it’s actually really hard. It’s showing that there’s more to science than just like, science. It’s like the history of science.
Dim student #2: Whoa.
Dim student #1: Yeah. We’re reading all these French guys.. um… Michel Sartre and Jean-Paul Foucoult and Rene Descartes. Like REALLY deep stuff. And they expect us to be able to analyze it!
Dim student #2: That’s SO deep.

the 755A bus
Overheard by Camus can do, but Sartre is smartre.

Two women on a first date: I think it must have been past life stuff. We both liked artichokes.

Roseville Dunn Brothers
Overheard by Scooter.

Two office workers stand around a broken fax machine.
Office woman #1: Manual feed? What does that mean?
Office woman #2: I wish someone would manually feed me, I’m hungry.

U of M Office
Overheard by Adjacent cube.

Passing guy: Man, everyone in here looks like Chuck [Klosterman].

Fitzgerald Theater
Overheard by Guy who looks like Chuck.

Dude in the row behind me: We should rename Martha Mirtha because she is full of mirth.

Mtka High School Blackbox watching Imaginary Invalid

Freight packer #1: Man, what’s that word I’m trying to think of?
Freight packer #2: Sodomize?
Freight packer #1: Yeah!

SLP Home Depot
Overheard by the other freight packer.

Freight packer #1: Man, I’m not looking forward to starting my car, it’s going to be all cold.
Freight packer #2: Why, did you park it somewhere cold?

SLP Home Depot
Overheard by the other freight packer.

One annoying girl to another annoying girl: Hey yeah! If you do counseling, maybe you could start dating again!!

On the 6
Overheard by glad I’m not her.

Blonde: My mom’s friend had a stroke this morning so she’s been all sad. It’d be like if you had a stroke. I’d, well, I’d probably laugh cuz you’d be all… yeah. But then I’d come over and start crying.

Bus

Man on cellphone: I don’t know how to spell ‘expresso.’ (pause) No, mom, like the drink!

Coffman
Overheard by e-x-p-r-s-o-h?

Guy behind the counter: No man, you can’t use the phone. It’s not a public phone and I can’t have you tie up the line. I’m too busy to deal with that.
Customer: mumbles and walks away
Guy behind the counter: I’m not here to be nice to people, fuck.

Hard Times Cafe
Overheard by Next person in line.

Girl in skyway to her two friends: I walked through five farts the other day.

5th & Marquette
Overheard by Kuzelka.

Elderly man: I want to go somewhere warm.
His Son: Well pops, how would you like to go on a cruise in March?
Elderly man: March is too soon.
His Son: No it isn’t, it is still several months away.

7th St S and 2nd Avenue
Overheard by glad March isn’t still several months away.

Durnk Guy: When did that happen?
Drunk Girl: In October, on the 28th, the day before Halloween.

#6U bus
Overheard by not surprised.