Friend’s boyfriend: If there’s any brain eating going on in that relationship, I’LL be the one doing it!

Dinosaur emporium
Overheard by BAFO.

Adorable Female Coworker: Whenever I go into sketchy neighborhoods, I try to look tough, but I think I’m better at looking crazy than looking tough.

Downtown office
Overheard by Giggling coworker.

Chick #1: Naw, he just sat over here because you smell.
Chick #2: Yeah I smell like honey and peaches and everything nice!
Guy: After it’s been shit out by a bear.

Snuffy’s
Overheard by funniest thing I ever heard.