Drunk guy: So you want me to go over to his house and kick his f–king ass?
Drunk lady: Well, you did it to me.
Drunk guy: F–k that shit.
Drunk lady: All I’m saying is that if you can hit a WOMAN…

Uptown
Overheard by and then I stopped listening.

Ditz One: …so, after he called in to quit for me, I’m sure everyone was like, “He must be one of those, like, abusive boyfriends who won’t let her work!”
Ditz Two: That’d be okay, though.

Uptown Bar
Overheard by An Invisible Fiend.

20’s something girl: So, I was thinking of Liberty and Justice for Balls.
20’s something guy: Liberty and Justice for Balls?
20’s something girl: Yeah, I was trying to think of a paper title.

Homerun porch
Overheard by um, what?