Blonde: But his Facebook status said he was biking…
Brunette friend: His Facebook status isn’t always accurate, sweetie.
later in conversation
Blonde: So, you really think he’s cheating on me and lying about his Facebook status?
Brunette friend: Yes. I think he lied about his Facebook status to cheat on you.

Noodles
Overheard by who wouldnt?

Borderline Homeless Guy #1: You just think you’re Prince Albert’s shit in a can, don’t you?
Borderline Homeless Guy #2: Hey! You been stalking anybody lately?
Borderline Homeless Guy #1: Are you the one that killed Princess Di?
Borderline Homeless Guy #2: Ah, get out of here and go stalk somebody else, stalker!

Bus Stop by the ExCell Energy Center, St. Paul
Overheard by Stephan?

Guy #1: Dude, I’ll give you five bucks if you boot your keys.
Guy #2: Screw that I ain’t puttin anything up my ass for five bucks.
Guy #1: Ten bucks.
Guy #2: What are we talking about here, like my whole key chain?

se mlps
Overheard by guy who won’t “boot” anything.

Old lady whispering to her companions: In the winter, I take this bus and I’m the only white person!

17W bus
Overheard by okaaay?

Barefoot girl buzzing every apartment in the building because she forgot which unit her friends were in: I wasn’t trying to be obnoxious or anything.

downtown Minneapolis apartment at 5AM

Smirking Abercrombie Frat Boy to Guy In a Kilt: Nice skirt faggot.
Guy In a Kilt after looking at who he’s with and who the frat boy is with: I’m going home after my meal with THREE WOMEN. YOU are going home from your meal with FOUR GUYS, two of whom have more cologne on and more product in their hair than my dates here. And I’M the fag. Whatever you say sweetheart.

Roseville Red Lobster
Overheard by Guy who REALLY wants a kilt now.