Teenager: Will you buy some eyeliner for me while you’re in there?
Woman: No-get a job and buy your own.
Teenager: (pause) Yes, but how can you expect me to get a job with no eyeliner?

Walgreens parking lot
Overheard by confused employee.

Waitress #1: (gasping excitedly) That means on July 7th it’s going to be oh-seven-oh-seven-oh-seven!
Waitress #2: Yup.

Village Wok
Overheard by ou should put that on a cake.