Frantic suburban mom: Where’s my daughter?
Other woman: She’s right over there.
Frantic suburban mom: Oh. Well, I was just worried because this IS Minneapolis.

Quiet, private building in Mpls
Overheard by there’s no crime in the ‘burbs?

Guy to friend: I took it so bad- there was a BEE in my NECK… I mean like IN my NECK. I started screaming and I pulled the car over and my buddy is like, “Whoa there’s a bee in your neck.” And it was in there stinger first, all “bzz bzz bzz.” (makes seizuresque flapping gestures)

Downtown Skyway
Overheard by Buzzword.

Philosophy Professor: So, in order to understand what Schiller means here, this afternoon, your assignment—it’s lovely spring weather, and you’re all young—I would like you to go out today and fall in love. We’ll talk about it Friday.

U of MN
Overheard by if only it were that easy.

Perplexed but well-meaning college co-ed, talking on cell phone: My cousin works for Jimmy John’s, and a few weeks ago he gave me a whole bunch of FREE SANDWICH coupons, I guess he had extra, or was just too lazy to give them out to real people or something. I have them in my purse and I give them to people who are sitting at corners with signs, you know? So I was walking through uptown and there were these two guys sitting there, so I didn’t really even look, just handed them each a coupon. And the first guy took his but the second one was like “READ THE SIGN, BITCH!” And then I did look, and his cardboard sign just said “Trying to get DRUNK.” And I just feel really violated, you know? I was trying to be nice…

Uptown transit center
Overheard by I just gave him a beer.

Freshman: Do you know how long it took me to realize that it was VILLAGE WOK and not VILLAGE WALK? For three months I thought people were going out for strolls around the neighborhood and just always happened to come back with Chinese take-out.

Coffman Union, UMN
Overheard by can’t stop laughing.

Guy, clearly in the middle of a rant: Or split infinitives. I mean, I love Star Trek, but it’s supposed to be “To go boldly,” not “to boldly go.”
Girl: Yeah, I fucking hate that.

Middlebrook, UMN
Overheard by I hate that, too.

Yuppie: You know what’s amazing? That all this water just keeps on coming!

By the Mississippi River
Overheard by it’d be more amazing if it stopped.

One man talking to another on a 90 degree day: The heat isn’t so bad except that it’s so hot out.

Lake Street and 44th Ave
Overheard by winken.

Non-emo girl: Black emo kids don’t exist.

Roseville b-dubs

Ditzy Girl: I, like, got soo pissed at my mom that I, like, punched the wall! It left a dent and blood stains. So, then I was like, “I have to clean that.” L-O-L!

American Karate Studio
Overheard by The quiet girl practicing her nun-chucks.

Sober mom walking backwards out door: (after almost tripping) Thank god I’m not drinking.
6 year old daughter: Tell me about it.

chatterbox
Overheard by zelda.

Cafeteria cashier out on a smoke break: Get out of here! You’re getting amniotic fluid everywhere!

US Bank
Overheard by Getting out of here too!

Man to dog: Oh man, Chance!!! That Stinks!!!
Woman: Ummm that was me…
Man: Ohhhh it stinks why didn’t you just blame it on the dog?

plymouth
Overheard by I would have blamed it on the dog.

Man REALLY enjoying hosing off a car: Man, if it were summer all the time in Minnesota, I wouldn’t need Nintendo, I’d just need a hose.

Maple Grove cul de sac
Overheard by guess he’s a cheap date.

Little girl: I need a drink.

target
Overheard by yea… me too.

High school girl paging through conference schedule booklet: Oh my gosh, I don’t know what I would do without this. It’s like, my life… It’s like, the Bible!

Girls State, Bethel University
Overheard by I just work here…

Father and son riding bikes down suburban street.
5 Year old son: Dad, we should stop at Lexi’s so you can have a beer with her dad.
Father: I suppose we should.

Suburbs
Overheard by I need one too!

Man #1: So they gave us pepper spray in case the bear came back.
Man #2: Good thing it wasn’t a Mexican bear!
Man #1: … it wasn’t salsa spray.

St. Louis Park
Overheard by girlfriday89.

Woman to toddler who has just chugged a few swallows of beer from (presumably someone else’s) glass: OK, one more drink, but that’s IT!

Black Forest patio
Overheard by Watching someone else’s problem develop.