Mother of two in an urgent voice who must have no heart and obviously knows nothing about this guy: Kids, see that man in the striped shorts, don’t talk to him. You don’t even have to be polite to him. NEVER be polite to crazy people.

Hidden beach
Overheard by Don’t listen kids!!! Your mother is the crazy one!

Dumb girl: I saw this stranded turtle on the way in, I kinda wanna go back and save it.
Friend: Why, was it on its back or something?
Dumb girl: No, it was in the WOODS.

Hidden Beach
Overheard by not the woods!!!

Drunk Girl to her friend: FYI, I love this mirror, I look so hot!

Freight House ladies bathroom
Overheard by FYI- you should’ve looked down further, you have toilet paper on your shoe.

Older man in glasses to white haired older woman: You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything wrong to anyone in your lifetime.

Savoy Pizza
Overheard by I know I’m no saint…

Skinny Brunette: …calories do you burn masturbating? Gross, I know!
Skinny Redhead: I read in Cosmopolitan that it’s somewhere between one fifty and two hundred.
Skinny Brunette: (gasp, smile - really dramatic) See? People ought to promote masturbation more! This is why America is getting so fat!!! No one is touching themselves!

#4 bus
Overheard by then why am i so fat?