Guy #1: So, did you feel like you were going to poop your pants when you were running?
Guy #2: Huh? Noooooo. (Laughing) Why?
Guy #1: Well, they say people who run marathons sometimes crap themselves.
Guy #2’s girlfriend: Nah, he did an emema last night!! (laughing)
Guy #2: WHAT?? Why would you say that? Why are you trying to “out” me?
Guy #1: HA HA HA! You used “ass douche”!! You’re an ass doucher!! Ass doucher, ass doucher! That’s your new nickname…ASS DOUCHER!!!
Guy #2: I can’t believe you outed me. You’re not getting any tonight.
Girlfriend:That’s ok, you’d rather do it to your ass douche!

Grandma’s Marathon
Overheard by LMAO.

Middle aged man: I haven’t measured a buffalo lately.

At the table next to mine in the 3M corporate cafeteria Maplewood
Overheard by Mmmm buffalo.

Senator Larry Pogemiller (DFL majority leader) to parade goer who expressed support for the governor: Where you dropped on your head as a child?

Celebrate Northeast Parade
Overheard by I didn’t vote for him.

Very drunk bum checking into ER around 1AM: I have this pain in my chest. It’s really bad I can’t stand it. Oh, it hurt so bad. I think I’m having a heart attack.
Nurse: How long has it been like this?
Very drunk bum: Umm…since 8 AM.
Nurse: Why didn’t you come in earlier?
Very drunk bum: Well, I had to get drunk first.

Regions Hospital

Random college boy: This is Wayzata. Everyone owns their own Porsche.

high-class Wayzata restaurant
Overheard by out-of-town ‘94 Nissan driver.

Older Woman Eating Lunch: That’s the best burger I’ve eaten all day!

5-8 Club
Overheard by Les.

Hipster teen #1: This is from the movie ‘Mallrats’. Did you see the part where they went to the mall?
Hipster teen #2: Umm… I think so.


Overheard by Brodie Bruce.