Man: I really want the Mexican at work to get fired. I need more hours.
Woman: Maybe you should call the Feds.
Man: Not a bad idea. Get him deported.
Woman: The Feds came into my work the other day. Apparently this guy I work with is wanted in Ecuador for murder.
Man: No shit!?
Woman: Yeah, and it turns out that the name we were calling him for a year wasn’t his real name. His name isn’t Manuel. And Sally* was trying to hide him and said that Manuel wasn’t at work today. But the Feds saw his car. I didn’t want him to go either… He’s a good cleaner.

South Beach @ Lake Calhoun
Overheard by burying my face in my towel and laughing.

Girl #1: So how about you? Aren’t you dating that one guy?
Girl #2: (laughing) I’m not dating anyone! What guy??
Girl #1: The one in that band, I thought you liked each other.
Girl #2: (groaning) Let’s not even talk about it.
Girl #1: Why?
Girl #3: (piping up in background): He’s a TURTLE, that’s why!
Girl #1: What??
Girl #2: Shhhhh, stop talking about it. (looking into the woods) You never know, he may be able to hear us.

hidden beach
Overheard by is he really a turtle?

Smith Hall Guy [standing on chair, waving large U.S. Flag in the sun, despite 90+ weather]: I’m helping raise money for that girl [he points to either no one, or maybe a girl in an MPIRG shirt] so she can go on her vacation! I’m a soldier– it’s like Iwo Jima. Hey, Sarge!

Outside Smith Hall, U of M East Bank
Overheard by ORLY.

Girl: Since I’m not a guy, I don’t know how to say this without being awkward about it. Today, I defecated…
Five minutes of laughter ensues
Girl: …and it was green, really green, like grass green.
Concerned friend: Holy shit! (pause) No pun intended.

Caribou at MOA
Overheard by amused observer.

Balding man in his 50’s: I don’t sweat very much, only when it’s warm. But when it’s cold…

Brooklyn Center
Overheard by Funny, the same thing happens to me…

Angry co-worker discussing a hated college professor: If I’d had a gun I would have shot that man–this is why I believe in gun control.

Office
Overheard by Frightened/amused co-worker.

Man in a stall nearby: Get out of there… get out of there… GET OUT OF THERE!

the Dakota
Overheard by the Dakota.

Husband to wife as they were in the check-out line (with cart full of groceries and FOUR gallons of bleach): Wait, I need some more bleach. I like my shirts CLEAN!

Coon Rapids ALDI
Overheard by Likes ‘em white too.