Guy ordering food: Wait, maybe I shouldn’t get the bacon - I might be Jewish.

Uptown Diner
Overheard by Jessikate.

Loud girl trying on sunglasses: But I need them really dark, I just do. I know, that’s so bonk, so bonk. But whatever.

Downtown Mpls Target
Overheard by “bonk?”

Elderly woman to elderly man, perhaps her husband: You know what? I can’t be thinkin’ all the time…

entering the Ramsey County Courthouse
Overheard by periodista.

Haggard Old Man: So, my doctor says he wants to put me on some new meds! So I says, “Why you gotta put me on some new meds?” He says, “Because you’re tellin’ people you’re the prophet Elijah!”

westbound 5 bus into Mpls.
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Black woman on cell phone: No speek-a englees, no speek-a englees! (pause) You heard me, bitch! I don’t speak English.

Apple Valley Target
Overheard by no comprende.

Salesman at Macy’s: If you want to hear a story about pomegranate martinis–I was having a Super Bowl party…

Downtown MPLS Macy’s
Overheard by Ashley.

Mom (looking at blankets and pillows): We should get one of these for Dad.
5 year old boy: But Dad can’t have that, he’s going to jail.

Walmart

Younger construction guy: What the hell is that?
Older construction guy: TAB.
Younger construction guy: Yeah… what the hell is that?
Older construction guy: It’s a diet cola. One of the first diet colas ever produced.
Younger construction guy: Is it pink?
Older construction guy: No, it’s cola-colored. I think they marketed it toward women at first, or something.
Younger construction guy: You’re not gay, are you?

Williamson Hall, U of M
Overheard by More of a Diet Rite fan, m’self.

SLAYER fan: There’s a lot of dudes here that look like girls.

Marilyn Manson/ SLAYER concert at the Xcel
Overheard by taylor.

Twenty-something woman to friend while carrying kayaks: See, it’s just like a canoe, except you have to paddle on both sides.

Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Unless you like going in circles, I suppose.

Woman: I promised myself I’d never hotwire that car again.

CVS Midway
Overheard by Male cashier.

Middle Aged Guy: A dip in the sauna, huh?
Old Guy: What?
Middle Aged Guy: Just in the sauna, huh?
Old Guy: The sauna?
Middle Aged Guy: YEAH, THE SAUNA!
Old Guy: It’s right over there.

Midtown YWCA
Overheard by taylor.

Woman, possibly once a man walks up to counter: Hey, I just thought I’d let you know your bathroom is looking a little rough.
Barista: Which one?

Loring Park Dunn Bros
Overheard by more importantly, was it you? i bet it was.

Bus driver, over loudspeaker: Coming up is Chicago, peace and joy be with you today, next up is Portland.

#3 bus

Teenage girl trying on swimsuits: I’d be really skinny if it weren’t for all this fat.

Macy’s Burnsville
Overheard by You already look like a damn Olsen Twin.

Middle-aged woman in leather pants and a harley t-shirt to a similarly-looking woman: Well, I want to be a rock star by next July, so that should work.

Snelling and Selby, St. Paul
Overheard by Me too, for that matter.

College kid full of wisdom to other college kid: It’s all a mental thing. It’s like any aspect of your life, you just say it and it’ll happen. Like, If you want a million dollars by the time you’re 25, you just say it over and over and it’ll happen. Or like, if you think you’re gonna throw up, you just repeat to yourself, “I’m not gonna throw up, I’m not gonna throw up” and then you won’t.

Mesa Pizza, Dinkytown
Overheard by racing toward my computer.

Middle-aged white guy (to a random guy waiting for the bus): You’re too white for me. I don’t like white people, you killed Jesus.

Downtown St. Paul
Overheard by Glad for the history lesson.