Man to friends: So, just like every college student, of course, she starts drinking a LOT, and what does she do next?
(long pause)
One friend: She gets pregnant?
Man: Nooooooo, she starts to smoke cigarettes.

Green Mill
Overheard by I wish I could prove your theory wrong.

Man to friend (very seriously): Now, when you shower, do you stand up?

Green Mill
Overheard by I prefer the fetal position.

Older woman with no inside voice: I want a diamond about as big as a horse turd.

25 Bus during rush hour
Overheard by Bleep.

8 year old boy trying to convince caretaker to take The Fellowship of the Ring video out of the library: They don’t swear, they just shoot each other with arrows!

Linden Hills library
Overheard by habitue.

Loud Guy at Front of Bus: Ain’t it kinda rough down in Chicago?
Loud Guy at Back of Bus: You already know.
Loud Guy at Front of Bus: Kinda rough down in Chicago.
Loud Guy at Back of Bus: You already know.
Loud Guy at Front of Bus: Kinda rough down in Chicago.
Loud Guy at Back of Bus: You already know!
Loud Guy at Front of Bus: Yeeeeah.

#16 bus
Overheard by …what?

Ebullient Coworker on Phone: The last thing I saw of Jane* was a nude picture of her taking a bath. It’s her dad’s fault.

cubicle farm, Target HQ
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Man #1: Did you ever read that?
Man #2: No, Why?
Man #1: She basically writes soft porn.
Man #2: Oh yeah! It is soft porn!
Man #1: I like soft porn.
Man #2: We should sell more soft porn here, we would make a lot of money.

Not the Pioneer Press.. The other one….
Overheard by I can’t believe I work here.