Older gentleman, picking nose (said in intervals): Seven hours, two minutes… seven hours, one minute… seven hours… then they’ll be sorry… six hours, fifty-nine minutes…

Dunn Bros @ Downtown Library
Overheard by I’m scared for them.

Backwoods Barbie: Hey bitches, we should hotbox my Volvo.

volleyball court in Woodbury
Overheard by mikasa.

Man: I’ma take this corncob and shove it up some m*therf*cker’s ass.

After an Aquatennial Parade, 4th and Nicollet
Overheard by hybrid fat-n-sassy.

20-year-old woman in elevator, before the door even closes, really quickly: Ok, someone needs to start talking. I hate it when people don’t talk in elevators. It makes me scared, like, I wanna go stand in a corner or something. (half laughs) I’m afraid of elevators. Did you know that?
Boyfriend: No.

parking ramp elevator
Overheard by scared girl in the corner.

Woman talking to weaponry maker: My dad was trying to see if we could have a 10-foot claymore made to use as a stripper pole.

Renaissance Festival
Overheard by and it’s not even the “romance” weekend.