Preppy high school girl: I can never find anything that fits me below the waist, in like weird places.

Roseville Caribou

Sassy momma: I feel like such a flippin’ idiot!
Coworker: Why’s that?
Sassy momma: Because Jane* just asked me the smartest question in America.

The office in Lakeville
Overheard by There are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

Tween-aged girl retelling a story: …and he cut his finger almost all the way off, it was like, hanging by a testicle.

sw suburban jr high
Overheard by maude the minivan.

Electricians working in my room downstairs: You can look but you can’t touch! You can’t touch!

South Minneapolis house
Overheard by I sure hope they weren’t looking in my nightstand drawer!

Crazy woman, talking to nobody in particular: You stop scaring these customers! You’ve had enough, and stay off of my lawn!

downtown Target
Overheard by hiding behind the rack of clothes.

Drunk girl screaming across the street to guy: Why don’t you want to do it?!

frat row
Overheard by bikes.

Girl #1: They taught us in Sunday School that thunder and lightning is just God bowling.
Girl #2: Well they taught us in synagogue that it is actually God hating all the Christians

Purple Onion
Overheard by hahaha!

Only slightly ditzy girl: I like to see things when I do stuff.

U football game
Overheard by Me too.

Electrician on the phone with landlady: I’m just going to put the light fixture in tomorrow, if that’s ok. I cut the power upstairs, but then everything went dark, and I couldn’t see if I was mixing up the wires. I would hate to accidentally mix up the wires and watch the place burn down.

bathroom across the hall
Overheard by Are you sure you’re qualified for that?

Swatch Employee: Hey, what brings you in today?
Male Customer: Just killing time.
Swatch Employee: That’s a felony in a watch store.
Male Customer: Huh?
Swatch Employee: You can waste time, you can squander time, you can spend as much time as you want in here. But killing time is a felony. (Pause) It’s a joke.
Male Customer: Your jokes suck.

MOA Swatch
Overheard by sympathetic mall employee.

Ditsy brunette looking in the mirror: Oh my god, for a second I was, like, that girl looks just like me!

Gastoff’s Octoberfest Lameness
Overheard by Filled with anxiety.

Admin Assistant: Wow, you’re running a Marathon? What is that, like 5K?
Temp: No, actually it’s 26.3 miles.
Admin Assistant: Oh! So what do they call a 5K?
Temp: Uh, a 5K.

Western Suburban Office Blding

Handlebar-Mustached Prick: I got up two hours early today so I could wax my my mustache before work.

331 Club