Sniffing coworker: What is that smell?
Sassy mamma: It’s Vick’s VapoRub.
Sniffing coworker: Why are you using it?
Sassy mamma: It opens up my nasal pass!

The office in Lakeville
Overheard by Preferable to your anal pass(?)

(While listening to a presentation about Great White Sharks)
Paul Bunyan wannabe: How old are sharks?
Speaker: No one is really sure but they are probably about 30-35 years old.
Paul Bunyan wannabe: But, weren’t sharks around with the dinosaurs? So, wouldn’t that make them about 65 million years old?
Speaker: Well… they were around, but they had babies, who made other babies.
Paul Bunyan wannabe: Oh, well, you should have said that.

Goodwill
Overheard by Is he serious?

Older guy to students playing cards: The labor movement in this country isn’t dead, it’s just so stoned you can’t tell the difference.

Dunn Brothers, St. Paul
Overheard by ORLY.

Woman talking about her daughter to a friend: I liked it better when she thought she was a lesbian. Now that she thinks she’s straight, I have to worry about her fucking up her life. What if she gets pregnant? I guess the good thing is, I’ll get me some grandkids. And I’m going to be the best fucking grandma anyone could have!

birthday party
Overheard by pass me a tofurkey burger…