Teenager #1: Would you let the Bionic Woman give you a handjob with her bionic hand?
Teenager #2: Fu** yeah!
Teenager #1: No way, I wouldn’t!
Teenager #2: Why not?
Teenager #1: She’s bionic man! What if she rips it off?
Teenager #2: *pauses in silent thought* It would be worth it.

bustop at Lake St/Nicollet

Patron at Burger King: Your number four meal says “Chicken Fries.” What are they made of?
Baffled Burger King Employee: Well, huh, err, Chicken?
Patron: Why does it say “Fries?
Burger King Employee (sounding more sarcastic than baffled now): Well, I guess I am not really sure but I am assuming it is because they are chicken and they are shaped liked fries?

Burger King, Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Bubbles.

Young Hipster: What do you recommend?
Bartender: (names off some fairly obscure beers…)
Young Hipster: Do you have anything that tastes kind of like PBR?
Bartender: Why don’t you just have a PBR?
Young Hipster: OK.

331 Club
Overheard by Alie.

Drunk 20-something #1: Just admit it, you hate the Atlantic Ocean.
Drunk 20-something #2: I was in Desert Storm.
Drunk 20-something #1: You live in a tundra.
Drunk 20-something #2: You’re just bitter because you don’t live near an ocean.
Drunk 20-something #1: No one wants to live by you.
Drunk 20-something #2: I am sexy.
Drunk 20-something #1: You don’t even live by a bay, not one!

metroDOME: Twins game
Overheard by a passive participant.

Bathroom sound in toilet: *SPLOOSH*
Unidentified woman in other stall: DEPTH CHARGE!

Folwell Hall bathroom, U of M
Overheard by Up Periscope!

Young son to mother: Wouldn’t it be scary if Halloween fell on Friday the 13th?
Mother: You never know, it might just happen!

Perkins/Bloomington

Drunk Biker to traffic at red light: MOVE IT! GO ON, GIT!
Biker #2 referring to opposing traffic: They have a green light…
Drunk Biker: I don’t care!
Biker #2: Well, you’re drunk.
Drunk Biker: STAY OUT OF MY LIFE!!

University Ave SE & 28th
Overheard by ORLY.

Boisterous drunk, to hefty drunk: No, dinosaurs are big-boned… put down that fork, tubby!

Liquor Lyle’s
Overheard by An invisible fiend.

Girl with big news: That was my friend, she just bought $320 jeans.
Girl who could care less: Wow, that’s expensive.
Girl with big news: Yeah, it’s like the talk of Augsburg.

Religion Class/Augsburg College
Overheard by YESRLY.

Sorority girl #1: Ohmigod, I am sooo excited for Cancun… except, remember when we went last year and stayed at that really shady motel?
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, that was such a creepy place. Like when that guy was dragging that black smelly garbage bag down the hall leaving a trail of blood. I wonder what was in the bag…

On the lightrail heading to the airport
Overheard by What was in that bag?

Leather jacket guy: My little finger on my foot, the skin is just about falling off, what do you call that?
Baseball cap guy: Your toe?

Northbound Light Rail
Overheard by Head, shoulders, knees, and fingers?

Older gentlemen referring to his laptop: I can’t, it’s too sensitive to touch it!

on the 375
Overheard by Did I just hear that?

Blonde Girl: So every time my mom gets a pen, she gives it to me, because she knows I really like pens.
Brunette Girl: Does that happen a lot?
Blonde Girl: Yeah, ’cause she’s, like, a nurse.

Nicholson Hall, U of M
Overheard by like, a student.

Barista on cell phone: Hey baby, it’s me. (pause) Your girlfriend. (pause) No, Sara. Your girlfriend named Sara.

A Fine Grind

Kid #: Wait right there! Okay?
Kid #2 (on bike): Okay!
Kid #1 runs into house.
Kid #2 to Kid #3 (also on bike): Let’s go.

Westbrooke community, Hopkins
Overheard by Careswen.

6-7 year old boy riding a bike ahead of his father: Dad, am I winning the race?
Middle aged father: Well, bud, you are winning the race of life.

lake harriet
Overheard by I wonder if I can find his motivational book on Amazon.

4 year old boy trying on a dragon Halloween costume approaching a friend of his mom’s crotch: I am going to blow fire on your vagina.

St. Louis Park Target
Overheard by so that’s where that burning feeling comes from.

Guy sitting by himself to girl getting onto bus who sits with other guy across the aisle: Girl, you could have sat with me. I wouldn’t bite.

19B bus, Noon
Overheard by Glad I was already on the bus and sitting behind him.

Guy at table: My hair is cool, my pants are tight, I don’t know what’s wrong!

King and I Thai

Late 20s guy with man purse: Sure, I own a white belt, but I wear it as a joke. And I don’t own a
trucker hat.

Overheard at NE Bulldog
Overheard by Ed.