Brilliant blonde college student: Sometimes I always puke when I’m drunk.
Equally brilliant friend: Yeah.

Augsburg College
Overheard by YESRLY.

Bus driver: They’re not all alcoholics. Some of them are diabetic.

#6 bus going downtown, 5:45am
Overheard by a relieved passenger.

Older well-dressed black man on phone: Why you wanna do me like that baby? (pause) I need a girlfriend, so what if she is 18? (pause) So what age should I date? (pause) WHAT??? I’m not dating anyone my age! You want me to date a 54 year old?!? I don’t want no old hag of a woman!

#24 bus
Overheard by what a perve.

Grandfather talking to his toddler grandson: See anything you like? (aside, to himself) I hope not.

Coach Handbags, Macy’s Southdale
Overheard by Leslee.

Suit: Remember when New Orleans flooded?

University Ave

Crazy neighbor: I don’t know of one black I know, including my grandkids, that have ever been slaves.

Marcy Holmes neighborhood
Overheard by groan.

30 something girl to friends in booth: She got a doctorate or something stupid like that.

Hastings Panera
Overheard by Idiot with a bachelor degree.

Crazy lady in the skyway talking to herself: The workers are working, yeah the workers are working, the welfare people are out on the street, but the workers are working paying for the welfare people out on the street who ain’t working, but they should be working for the workers. (pause) But they’re all going to hell, I hope they’re ready.

Skyway in the Target Center
Overheard by Boognish.

Dude: There are a decent number of hot chicks in Harry Potter. I mean, honestly? I’d do Ginny.

Oak & Washington
Overheard by VP of the campus Harry Potter club.

Young woman: When I was a kid, I was scared of a lot of things. Like whenever I’d run around, I’d think someone was following me because I’d hear footsteps. Later I realized it was the sound of my own feet.

Walking track, YWCA
Overheard by Thanks, Jack Handy.

Guy at lunch table: If you can say that you died from coffee, that’s better than saying that you got hit by a bus.

MN Marketplace, Coffman Union
Overheard by ORLY.

Skanky 15 or 16 year old girl trying to look sexy talking to 2 older boys: Dude, seriously. I learned to pole dance when I was like 6 years old! My mom’s best friend worked at Hooters.

Lakeville McDonalds
Overheard by Wow, our future is bright!

Obnoxiously Loud Gay Man: Can God make me skinny so I can become a model?

espresso royal/dinkytown
Overheard by laughing stressed out student.

Girl in sweatsuit ordering while on cell phone: (to phone) Just a sec. (to Tillie’s server) I want a mocha, but not too chocolaty. (to phone) Okay, I’m back. (to Tillie’s server) Oh, and not too hot.

Tillie’s Bean
Overheard by Ed.

Woman, recounting her part of a previous conversation: I want you to spit on me like you spit on her, because I don’t understand.

Target, Skyway level, 9th/Nicollet
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Co-worker #1: Hey! I love your hat!
Co-worker #2: Oh my god, I have to wear it all day because I didn’t have time to shower this morning and my hair was too greasy and inappropriate for work. Oh my god.
Co-worker #1: Let me see. It is NOT that bad. Seriously, today I washed my hair for the first time in, like, a week.

St. Paul Office
Overheard by Really? A week?

Talkative crazy lady: I want you all to know that Diana Ross is not on this bus. I’m sorry, Diana Ross is not on this bus. That’s a hitman.

the 18G
Overheard by duly noted!

Dude #1 as dude #2 sits down next to him: You’re like clockwork!
Dude #2: I am much smarter than a clock.
Dude #1: Clocks are pretty smart.
Dude #2: I dunno…
Dude #1: Even a broken one is right twice a day. haha I love that, I always look for ways to insert it into conversations.

MHS-waiting for the bus to leave
Overheard by KJ.

English Student: So, I feel like this paper means more to me than any child ever could with all the effort I’ve put into it.

East Bank, U of M
Overheard by ORLY.

20-something girl talking to friend: Oh my god, I just forgot to pull down my thong before I started peeing.

bathroom in Mall of America
Overheard by let’s hope it was just number one.