Septuagenarian coffee drinker to 20-something woman: Hey, here comes a good-looking one.
20-something woman: Is that what you do? You just hang around here and hit on the ladies?
Septuagenarian coffee drinker: I’m 70 years old, I can do whatever I want.
20-something woman: I’m good-looking, I can do whatever I want.

Dunn Bros. on Xerxes
Overheard by I’m a good-looking 70-year-old…

Disgruntled customer: So, is there, like any way I can get this pizza for free or for a discount?
Pizza Luce guy: So, you basically want to not pay for this?
Disgruntled customer: Yeah, pretty much.
Pizza Luce guy: No, we can’t logically do that.

Pizza Luce, Uptown
Overheard by It does hurt to ask.

White gangsta chick: I used to shoot heroin. A lot of heroin.
Friend: (silent, looks at shoes)
White gangsta chick: But I don’t do that s**t anymore.
Friend: (pointedly gazes out of window)
White gangsta chick: …I got my reasons.

16 bus eastbound from West Bank
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Drunk 20 something to a cute chick outside of the bar: If you pee on the street, it’s a $100 ticket, and if you don’t pay that, it’s $200.

The Spot
Overheard by Best pick up line ever.

CSR: Thank you for calling ABC company, how are you today? (pause) Oh, very uncomfortable and kind of disturbing?

Office Building/Plymouth
Overheard by how does that feel?

Uptown Hipster girl talking to her boyfriend typing a text message and trying to use the ‘T9′ function: Maybe they have disemboweling as a hyphenated word.

The Independent
Overheard by Scared for the recipient of that text.

Young woman in Paris Hilton glasses commenting on the weather: If I didn’t believe in karma, I’d rob a bank. I have a strategy. …I said, I have a strategy.

4 bus northbound on Lyndale
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Gruftie: I can’t quite place your accent. It’s like German… with a trace of Irish?
Rivethead in question: I dun’t, uh, I dun’t…
Tall gothboi: Why are you talking with an accent, anyway? Aren’t you from Iowa?

apartment party, 33rd/Chicago
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Neighborhood guy #1: What’s he doing robbing a place? He ain’t no robber.
Neighborhood guy #2: I know. I thought he was gonna start pimping.
Neighborhood guy #1: It’s like the bible says. Pimps are pimps, dopers are dopers. You can’t be what you ain’t.

On the 14 bus, someplace on Broadway Ave
Overheard by REALLY? The BIBLE says that?

Marine Biologist: Your computer is running out of battery.
Oceanographer: Let me find my plug.
Marine Biologist: We need to find one of those jack thingys.

U of M Lecture
Overheard by And you have a Ph.D.?

Coworker speaking of the ghastly state of the work restroom: When you have to shit, you better sit, otherwise there tends to be a lot of splatterization!

225 S. 6th St, Minneapolis, 12th floor
Overheard by Good plan.

5 year old boy looking devastated at 20 something’s tongue ring while drinking his 3rd root beer: Where did you get that?
20 something guy: That’s what happens when you have too much sugar; the dentist pierces your tongue.

family gathering in uptown park
Overheard by satisfied passerby.

Target worker to other Target worker: Do you guys have extra PDAs we can use?
Target worker #2: Yeah, I’m sure we do. Electronics is where PDAs come to die… we’re like Florida.

Target Lake St
Overheard by me and the three old women passing by at the time.

Cook #1: I can’t wait to go see Alien Versus Predator II on Christmas!
Cook #2: Why would you go to see AVP 2 on Christmas?
Cook #1: Dude! The blood is red and green!

Delano Pizza Ranch/ In the kitchen
Overheard by D.R.B.

First guy with huge plush fur coat: Ya man, and then we could make orange taste like… oranges! Imagine this: you crack it in half, and it’s still orange. Then you break it again and… it’s still f**king orange! Then it’s like, orange powder, and it even smells like… oranges! F**king sweeeet, man!
Second guy (who smells remarkably like pot): Ya, that’d be f**king tiiiiight! And purple could be like… grape! Whoa, dude! We could have orange, and grape, and lemon, and …RED! Yeaaaah, dude!!

2C bus going through dinkytown
Overheard by so… what does red taste like?

Businesswoman: How can you not know when you’re beatboxing out loud? That’s the weirdest tic I’ve ever heard.

Skyway
Overheard by JfA.

Guy: I guess I don’t really play music to express something inside of me. I just like to drink beer and do something I perceive to be cool.

Caffetto
Overheard by yeah man, me too.

Girl holding up Gophers t-shirt which reads “Z is for ZAMBONI”: Z isn’t for xylophone anymore! (pause) Wait…
Boyfriend: Let’s keep that between us.

Gopher Game
Overheard by Good lord.

Woman in the next stall making loud scratching noises: DAMN, what the fuck is that?!!! Ooooh shit!

New Burnsville Target bathroom
Overheard by I’m for sure not ever gonna use that stall.

Co-worker: My computer has been so slow today. I wonder if it has to do with all the rain we’ve been having.

Minnetonka office building
Overheard by suppressing an outburst.