Sixteen year-old boy to friend:: Well, if you need me I’ll be in the bathroom for the next 58 minutes.

borders in maple grove
Overheard by at least there’s plenty of reading material?

Father pushing stroller: Hey, hon? Minnesota’s in the midwest, right?

Mall of America
Overheard by Minnesota IS the Midwest.

Co-worker talking to his wife on the phone about being at his company for 10 years: They gave me a plaque today that says “10 years of ‘dedicated’ service”. They must not know me that well.

Office in St. Paul
Overheard by Cube neighbor who can confirm that they really don’t know him that well.

Man on the way to the airport: So one day my cousin finds this garage opener in his [her husband's] car that isn’t theirs. She freaks out. They live in a small town so she spends three hours trying to get a door to open. Finally she gets one, and sure enough, he’s up there with some white girl.

corner of the lightrail
Overheard by girl in the other corner.

Punk dude sitting down to lunch with his date: Seriously, order whatever you want. I know people say that, but I mean it, order whatever the f*ck you want.
Date: Okay, um, thanks. [later when ordering] I’ll have a burger.
Punk dude: Just a burger? I said to get whatever you want!
Date: Yeah, I just want a burger.
Server: Um, our burgers are really good!

Tony Roma’s, MOA
Overheard by Will he pay for my meal too?

Physical therapist: OK, you need to take it easy for a while.
Patient: Well, my girlfriend and I want to walk around Lake Calhoun tonight, is that ok?
Physical therapist: That’s a little far. Just walk halfway around it, turn around and go back.

Physical therapy clinic, MPLS

College roommate: Can Jewishes be priests?

St. John’s University

Customer: I have a coupon for 10% off all of my purchases.
Store employee: OK.
Customer: Does that mean it’s 10% off each item individually, or 10% off the total amount?
Store employee: Ummmm, whichever you’d like.
Customer: OK, I’ll take it off of each individual item.
Store employee: Very well.

Kids Footlocker, MOA

20-something guy on cell phone: No, I’m just sitting here waiting with a vibrator in my hand.

granite city lobby, maple grove
Overheard by earmuffs.

Snowboarder getting on lift: Duuuuude, are we gonna go hardcore right this time?

Lutsen
Overheard by not so hardcore.

Waitress: (to 20-something couple) Can I get you another one?
Guy: Actually, we invested when the prices were low. We bought a couple of beers and had the bartender put them in the cooler for us. Could you bring us one of those?

Elsie’s
Overheard by shocked and appalled by his cheapness.

Little boy about 7 or 8: My butt itches.

Sears At Mall of America
Overheard by Nicki.

4 year-old girl: Are you and Mommy going to Whiskey Junction tonight?
Dad: Unless Grandma’s renamed her house - no.

Christmas Eve mass at St. Peter’s
Overheard by moi.

Bank Teller: So, do you have kids?
20something male: Uuumm… yah, a little bit.
Bank Teller: You have a little bit of kids?
20something male: Oh KIDS! I thought you said gas!
Bank Teller (awkwardly): Um, no sir, I did not say gas.

Bremer Bank Downtown MSP

Ebullient coworker: I pick most guys based on how their butt looks in their pants.

Cube farm, City Center
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Middle Aged lady #1: My butt’s getting sooo huge.
Middle Aged lady #2: That’s because you have the big whore syndrome.
Middle Aged lady #1: Yeah.

Uptown - Hennepin Ave & 31st Steet
Overheard by I didn’t think women my mom’s age talked like that.

Woman on cell phone walking out of Banana Republic: So I told her, “You’re not interesting just because you say stupid things.”

50th and France
Overheard by That’s brutal … yet true.

20 something girl #1: Is the ’s’ in Illinois silent?
20 something girl #2 after a LONG pause: Um. Well, yeah. Yeah, of course. Duh.
20 something girl #1: But, like, ALL the time?

Outside Hollister, Rosedale
Overheard by What about the ‘x’ in xylophone?

Wife: This is kinda creepy.
Husband (referring to a shirt he just put back on the shelf): Why, because it is purple?
Wife: No, this store is so metrosexual. Come on, I want to get out of here.

h&m at MOA
Overheard by apparently a “metrosexual”

Irritated man on phone: What do I have to do this afternoon to get on the cool people’s list?

Downtown office
Overheard by JfA.