Girl in bathroom stall: God, my skin finally stopped pulsating about halfway through class.
Girl in other stall: Oh, I know, same here. That stuff should be illegal.

Classroom Office Building, U of M
Overheard by Burrhead.

Customer service guy: As long as I’m touching it, can you just put it in my mouth? I need to know what it tastes like.

The office in Lakeville
Overheard by Jonny Cakecutter.

Desperate student asking about loan repayment: What if I die?
Mid-20s financial aid counselor: You don’t want to die, you want to enjoy the degree you’re earning!
Student: Have you paid back your loans?
Mid-20s financial aid counselor: Yes, but I just bought a house.
Student: Oh. Yikes!

financial aid office, Minneapolis
Overheard by laughing co-workers.

High school girl: I’ll have a grande Caramel Macchiato.
Twenty-something barista: Do you have a milk preference?
High school girl: Uh… do you have Kemps?

Edina Starbucks

Bus Driver: Well, you know, those new Go Green buses aren’t saving us any money - but they’re good because they help the environment and air quality and all that.
Early-60s lady with Orphan Annie Orange Hair: I was just talking to my friend about that the other day! But we couldn’t think of what it was that’s bad for you in the air. It’s still not coming to me… god, what IS it? Oxygen?

#6 into downtown
Overheard by If Al Gore were dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave.

30-something dad to toddler: See? I told you we’d make it through the cold! Too bad we didn’t have to find a wolf and hide in its corpse.

marcy open school, winter concert
Overheard by WUT?

Weird Guy: I knew this old guy in college… he’d been shot in the war so they were just paying for him to go to school as long as he wanted.
Weird Barista Guy, sounding alarmingly enthusiastic and not sarcastic: That’s what I should do. Go to some foreign country and get shot!
Guy who wasn’t paying attention: Why do you have to go to another country just to get shot at?
Weird Guy: Because that’s the only way they’ll pay you.

an uptown coffee shop
Overheard by You might want to look into those benefits first…

Girl (complaining): Suffixes are too much for me!

Bordertown Cafe, Dinkytown
Overheard by ORLY.

36C: Look at that girl’s titties! They’re tiny!
30AA: Yeah? Well, at least mine don’t slap me in the face when I’m running!

Hopkins Girls Locker Room
Overheard by zing!

College guy to College girl: No, NO, my essay is gone. My “35% of your grade” essay that’s due tomorrow has been eaten by my computer.
College girl: Don’t freak out.
College guy: Oh, I get to freak out. I earned the right to freak out! Just as much as a prepubescent little boy who wakes up in Neverland Ranch and doesn’t know how to get out AND Michael isn’t within sight, gets to freak out.

Espresso Royale
Overheard by Guy who just spit coffee everywhere.

7 year old yelling: MOM, DO YOU WANNA EAT MY PEANUTS? I JUST LIKE TO SUCK ON THEM!

South Saint Paul
Overheard by Good luck with that, kid.