Amateur douche bag: Yeah, we don’t really go to the bar anymore, we’re kind of partied out. I mean, now that we’re 24, it’s just not the same.

liquor barrel
Overheard by I KNOW MAN.

Middle aged woman customer #1: It looks like Santa’s been drinking.
Cashier: Maybe Santa’s been celebrating a little early this year.
Middle aged woman customer #2: It looks like he has a lazy eye.
Cashier: Don’t be hatin’ on the lazy eye.

Walgreens on the corner of Hwy 13 and Cliff in Burnsville
Overheard by The Cashier Didn’t Even Have a Lazy Eye.

Drunken man on bus to woman on street who just exited bus: Thirty six Fremont. That’s the address. Where is it?
Woman on street: [something inaudible]
Frizzy blonde seated at middle of bus: [opens window as bus pulls away] Hey! You better not sleep with him! He’s my man and I got HIV!
Woman on street: What?
Frizzy blonde: Lester! We been together five years, just sayin’, you better not do him. Keep it real!
Drunken man: [yelling indecipherable things from back of bus]
Frizzy blonde: [staring straight ahead] Lester, trying to be gettin’ in some woman’s pants, gonna get yo’self killed!
Drunken man: Evvvvery day. Every DAY!
Frizzy blonde: [still staring straight ahead] Gonna get yo’self in jail for Christmas!
Observer: [to seatmate] Wait, is Lester on this bus?

On the 5A downtown
Overheard by bipedalist.

Hospital Tech: Back in the day when my grandmother found out she was pregnant with her last child, she threw herself in front of a bus!
Co-worker: Oh my god, did she die?
Hospital Tech: No! But Aunt Carol came out a little weird.

North Memorial Hospital
Overheard by Krissy.

Mildly retarded man: It’s not gay if you’re wearing a mask.

post office

Middle aged mother #1: So what, they’re mad because she got drunk and took pictures that ended up on the internet?
Middle aged mother #2: Like they’ve never been in college.

Minneapolis JCC
Overheard by I want to be a mom like that.