Early 20s “Dude” in line for beer with his buddies: I USED to smoke and chew… but then I quit one.

Wild Game
Overheard by now you will live half as long!

Old White Cashier Woman (Singing): Bombs over Baghdad, Bombs over Baghdad.

Einstein Bros inside Coffman Union

Freshman #1, smoking a cigarette: And do you remember what she wore for Halloween? Like, a TINY skirt and a shirt she rolled up. It wasn’t even a costume, it was just making her clothes as whorey as possible!
Freshman #2: Yeah, I know. Like, it’s ok if your costume is skanky, as long as you pay for it, but her’s was just clothes!

Outside Comstock
Overheard by ARH.

Mom in a baby voice: Let’s zip up your coat. Do you want to know how cold it is?
3 year old: How?
Mom in a baby voice: So cold that if you don’t wear your mittens your fingernails will fall off.

Tunnel from Fairview University to parking ramp
Overheard by Scarring children for life.

Woman walking down the street: Well, we’re thinking of going to Mexico.
Woman #2: (in bored voice) Oh, Mexico. I went there once.

e hennepin ave
Overheard by you know you’re rich when…

Woman #1 in Woman #2’s cube: Why do you have a fake mustache in your cube? (She holds it to her face.) Gross, it smells like old feet! Here, try!
Woman #2: No! (giggles)

Downtown office
Overheard by JfA.

Young blonde woman: The day I found out I’m going to the Republican Convention was the best day of my life!

IDS Crystal Court
Overheard by Whatever makes you happy.

Girl #1: Oooo, we should get some Fosters to commemorate Heath!
Girl #2: Yeah, let’s do it!! Fosters: It’s Australian for water.

Dinkytown liquor store
Overheard by Mourning Mr. Ledger.

Girl: I found out that his cutting himself was him getting angry and breaking a glass. No band-aid needed! [A minute or so later, about the same guy] He got angry at me so he fell down and faked a seizure and started shaking and rocking back and forth, and I was just standing there like, “I do not believe this.” In the process though, he knocked over a mocha. It left a stain that was there for a year so I had to walk by it each time. The Stain of Shame.

Espresso Exposé, Washington & Harvard
Overheard by ORLY.

Female Student: I have dyslexia and I’m 24.
Male Student: Strange, you don’t look 42.

Century College/White Bear Lake, MN

Museum Employee: I have SO MANY books about animal sex. It’s really embarrassing.

Bell Museum of Natural History
Overheard by well it IS almost valentine’s day…

Trendy, white, barely 20 something adding to conversation on pregnancy and adoption after too many glasses of wine: Yeah, you know I’ve always wanted to adopt a black baby so that I can dress him up in Adidas track suits!
Other 20 something white woman: Well, I want to adopt a black baby, too, but I had not considered the fashion possibilities.

Downtown St.Paul
Overheard by Glad I’m not a black baby up for adoption.

Hipster boy to his sister, after being greeted by a salesgirl at Urban Outfitters: I totally lost my virginity to a girl who works at Urban.
Sister: That’s okay… I totally lost mine to a Jew!

Urban Outfitters at Mall of America
Overheard by They must have bonded over their skinny pants.

Really Old Wife: What’s the name of the doctor we are seeing?
Really Old Husband: They don’t have names, it is luck of the draw.
Really Old Wife: What are you, stupid? All doctors have names.
Really Old Husband: (Begins to open mouth and then thinks better of it)

Healthpartners Urgent Care
Overheard by Why men die before women.

Woman who probably likes hotdish #1: I won’t take your Mickey Mouse one.
Woman who probably likes hotdish #2: Just don’t try to take my automatic one!

Corporate cubeland, Eagan
Overheard by Get back to work.

Patron getting on lightrail dressed in Twins garb, obviously on the way to the Twins game with his family: I wonder which train I’m supposed to get on, I hope I don’t get on the wrong one…

46th Street Lightrail station
Overheard by JoJoC.

Coworker about a constantly farting coworker: She is flatulent as a mo’ fo’!

225 S. 6th St, Minneapolis, 12th floor
Overheard by Yes, she is.

Girl #1: State of the Union tonight! Are you gonna watch?!
Girl #2: Hell yes!
Guy: Boring.
Girl #2: What are you talking about? The State of the Union is awesome. I lost my virginity after the 2004 speech.
Girl #1: Drunk, angry liberals seeking solace in each other’s arms… It’s a beautiful time of year.

Caribou on Snelling and Grand
Overheard by I’m watching this year.

Professor: Visually, the median splits the area of the graph in two.
Probably a freshman: Into what?

Carlson School of Management, sadly
Overheard by Dik.

Man to kid: The Vulcans come from Hades; they work for the devil.

Winter Carnival at State Fairgrounds Snow Sculptures
Overheard by So that’s how they got the funding!