Big black guy [to little black guy]: You ain’t graduating, I’m goin’ a kill yo’ ass.

Bursville High School
Overheard by Sounds like graduating is the least of your problems.

Teen guy: (yelling out in the middle of the hall) I can’t control my bladder!

Burnsville High School
Overheard by Does the whole room need to know that?

Drunk guy on bus to woman sitting next to his friend: Oh, don’t worry about squishing him. He likes to be squished. In fact if you would squish him anymore he’d probably fall in love. He’d probably get pregnant. He can get pregnant by looking at someone.

#2 bus
Overheard by Is that how is works?

Rainbow Foods cashier #1: Should I tell Rick you’re cheating on him with Craig?
Rainbow Foods cashier #2: Hell, no. What stays at Rainbow, stays at Rainbow.

St. Paul Midway Rainbow Foods

Girlfriend: Don’t worry, I won’t marry you.
Boyfriend: Why not?
Girlfriend: (laughing) ‘Cause you fart in the grocery store!

Cub Foods, University Ave
Overheard by cereal aisle guy.

Really loud guy on his cell phone: Why would I put you in my fave five? I’ve already got my parole officer, Scottie, my grandma, my auntie, and *inaudible*. That’s why I bought you a phone, so I could call you for free!

Block E Bus Stop
Overheard by Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to just use your anytime minutes?

Angry neighbor to someone on the phone: I DID NOT call you fat. I DO NOT think you are getting fat or are fat. I DO NOT think you are unattractive. What do you want me to say?

South Mpls Apartment Building
Overheard by I hope this fight was worth ruining my sleep.