Ebullient coworker: Oh, it’s the bourbon! Dude, that stuff is so loaded with alcohol!

Cube farm, City Center
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Irate idiot on cell phone: The nurse doesn’t even know what he has! I pissed off his doctor. I said, “YOU should have called Dr. House!” You know that show, House? HE can figure out ANYTHING!

Behind Northrop, U of M
Overheard by I’m sure Hugh Laurie would be happy to lend a hand.

Scarlett Johansson: Vagina Night at the Cave? What have I gotten myself into?

reading Vagina Monologues poster next to Obama Caucus poster - Carleton College
Overheard by This could get interesting.

Barista (after swiping card): In the future can you get cash from the ATM downstairs? We don’t want to give money to credit card companies!

Espresso 22, Dinkytown

College Age Guy to Suit: Hey, Sir, do you work here?
Suit: No.
College Age Guy: Oh. You look nice.
Random Third Guy: You do.

Walgreens, Nicollet Mall
Overheard by Inflatigirl.

Minnesota guy: Looks like the snow stopped. I wonder how the commute home will be.
Southern girl now living in MN: I read that there were lots of accidents this morning.
Minnesota guy: That’s because all these Southerners come up here for the jobs and can’t drive.
Southern girl now living in MN: I’m pretty sure there aren’t enough Southerners up here to be responsible for all the accidents in this morning’s commute.
Minnesota guy: Well, it’s the Arabs, too. You know, snow doesn’t affect them. They drive slow all the time.
Southern girl now living in MN: Um…

60 S. Sixth St. elevators
Overheard by sparklegirl.

Naive 17 Year old: My boyfriend doesn’t watch porn. He thinks porn is gross.
28 Year Old Co-Worker: Did you ever think that he just says that because he knows what you think and doesn’t want to offend you?
Naive 17 Year old: No. He likes me. He doesn’t need porn.
28 Year Old Co-Worker: Of course he doesn’t need it, but you can’t be around all the time! And you can find just about anything you want in a second online.
Naive 17 Year old: What do you mean?
28 Year Old Co-Worker: Well, porn is limitless. He can find whatever he wants online. Like animal porn…
Naive 17 Year old: *gasps* Gross! Like, two dogs having sex?
*Co-worker shakes his head, gets up and begins doing the dishes*

P.J.s Pizza - St Peter
Overheard by D.R.B.

Young white woman: You know? Maybe that’s your problem. You just need to tone up your butt a little bit.
Young white man: Have you LOOKED at my butt lately?!

Macy’s Downtown
Overheard by please tell me that you two aren’t dating.

Seedy Loud Crackhead to sharply dressed college guy with curly blond hair: You look just like Shirley Temple!
Disturbed looking college guy with curly blond hair: (Turns)
Seedy Loud Crackhead: Oh… you have a beard. [to no one] I don’t smoke dope! I’m not on any medications! I’m a stripper! Hey I’m not disturbing the patrons! Jesus! Jesus! Gotta visit! Wife! Hospital at 5! I’m from NY! Gotta go to Milwaukee! (walks up to blond curly college guy) I love you Shirley girl! Love you!
Disturbed looking college guy with curly blond hair: Um, I’m a guy, thanks.
Seedy Loud Crackhead: Well, I love you, too! (pats boys shoulder)

Pizza restaurant on campus
Overheard by oh sweet jesus, why does this always happen to me.