College-age guy: Dude, I feel like I’m totally out of gas.
Buddy: Do you mean personal gas?

Half-Price Books, Maplewood
Overheard by Khi.

Teen guy: Rabbits live in a matriarchal society.

Burnsville High School
Overheard by There’s gotta be a rabbit queen out there.

Mom to Four year old boy and small toddler while waiting for the “walk” sign: And Wednesday, Grandpa and Grandma will come over.
Four year old: I cant wait!
Mom to both children: What do we say when they come over?
Girl toddler: YAY! SHUT THE DOOR AND GIMMIE PRESENTS!

Corner of Ford Parkway and Cleveland
Overheard by Truth hurts when you laugh hard!.

Girl #1: Oh man. This lube really tastes like vanilla.
Girl #2: That means my VAGINA could taste like vanilla.
(pause)
Girl #1: Yeah. Like sugar cookies.

U of MN dorms
Overheard by how would you test something like that?

Pixy-Stix-thin lady eating sushi: Every time I eat sushi, I just feel like I’m pregnant.

Ba Gu on Chicago
Overheard by Are you sure it’s not a food baby?

Nun: Are you familiar with community day?
Shopper: No.
Nun: If you donate $5 dollars, you can get $10 worth of coupons. And the money all goes to the Sacred Heart Church.
Shopper: I don’t donate money to the Catholic Church.
Nun: Well, we’re a poor church.
Shopper: I’ve been to the Vatican, they’re quite rich.
Nun: But we’re not.
Shopper: Take it up with the Pope.

Herbergers Rosedale Mall
Overheard by Right on sistah!

Man in his late 40s: UNPROTECTED SEX!

Pizza Luce on Selby Avenue
Overheard by giggling teenagers.

20-something blonde chick in whiny voice to boyfriend: Adrian, do you know how hard it is to walk in these shoes?

Nicollet Mall @ 8th

Solemn Black Man in Cap places a can of Red Bull on counter
Other Black Man: Aw, man! You must be tired! Gettin’ yo’ energy up! Red Bull, man!
Solemn Black Man in Cap: Naw, this is for my crazy prostitute.

Gas Station on Selby Ave.
Overheard by Pump One.

Dude: No, I couldn’t cure AIDS. That shit’s too funny.

U classroom
Overheard by Not getting the joke.

Bubbly coed #1: Where are we going for dinner?
Bubbly coed #2: Chang Mai Thai.
Bubbly coed #1: What kind of food is it?
Bubbly coed #2: I don’t know, sounds like it’s Chinese.
Bubbly coed #3: This bus goes to Uptown, right?

On the No. 2 bus headed away from Uptown
Overheard by Let me guess: Geography majors?

Guy: Oh, my books are so heavy. I need one of those people to help me carry things. One of those people, you know? That helps people climb Mount Everest?
Girl: A Sherpa? You need your own Sherpa?
Guy: Yeah, I need a Sherpa.

U of M dining hall

Girl on phone: She was talking about how she had cancer, and it really changed her, and made her really protective of her sons, and how her dad died in World War Two, and how she cried when her sons joined the army because she didn’t want to lose them in the war… I was just like, shut up! Nobody cares!

Willey Hall, U of M

Girl with tea: My brain’s not working right now. And apparently neither is yours. You’re like, still running on DOS.
Guy who just woke up: No, I’m running on Vista.
Girl with tea: Oh, man. Don’t you wish you could go back to XP?
Guy who just woke up: No, I’m going back to Windows 3.1!

Coffman basement, U of M
Overheard by you must be kidding.

Blonde 20-something girl #1 reading “Learn more about Judaism” poster: Why would anyone go to this?
Blonde 20-something girl #2: To learn more about Judaism maybe?
Blonde 20-something girl #1: Is Judaism, like, a language or something?

Folwell Hall, UofM
Overheard by Judaism is the new, like, Spanish.

Overly excited drunk guy running up to his table of friends: OH my god, oh my god, oh my god, where is my jacket?! The hot one said she’d come home with me!

Niesens Bar, Savage
Overheard by Amused girl at the next table over.

Young professional: There’s a lot of things I would do if there was no risk involved!

Eden Prairie Office
Overheard by …like what?