Woman: Ugh.  I’m so full.  Getting ice cream was a mistake.
Man: Yeah, I didn’t need that ice cream.
Woman: Good thing we had the sex first.

Leaving Dairy Queen in Highland Park
Overheard by At least you’re getting sex.

Old Minnesotan Lady #1: Well, I don’t know why, but she’s all mad at me!
Old Minnesotan Lady #2: Well, just buy her a cookie during break.
Old Minnesotan Lady #1: There is no break at this one!

The Ordway
Overheard by Cookies always solve my problems.

Local stand-up comedian to Fancy Ray, while discussing his Lickety Split commercials: Screw the porn, I jerk off to Fancy Ray.
Second stand-up comedian: Yeah, but do you draw eyebrows on your nads first?

Outside of Brave New Workshop
Overheard by Did Fancy Ray ask YOU to hold his weenie, or am I just lucky?

Down-on-his-luck man, donating plasma: Hey, you cute.  Wanna go out some time?
Woman on next bed, also donating: Uh, no thanks.
Man: B**ch!  Who else you know make $20 an hour?

Aventis, U of M campus
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Hockey Mom #1:  I don’t know why they have to have it so cold in here.
Hockey Mom#2:  Seriously, it’s absolutely freezing in here.

Northern suburb ice arena
Overheard by 2 ingredients of ice, water and COLD.

Lady #1:  What you say?
Lady #2, pushing stroller, very deliberately:  I SAID… I’d cut that bitch with a spoon.
Lady #1:  Uh huh.

Pizza Hut in downtown Minneapolis Target
Overheard by staying away from the cutlery section.

Mom: Your father’s at work.  I left work early because my back hurts very, very much.
Enthusiastic 4 year old son: Yes!

Skyway
Overheard by Not that mean as a kid.

Loud middle aged woman: And I asked him ‘where is it?’ and he was like ‘in your uterus!’ and I was like, *distraught sigh*

Refrigerated area of DT Target
Overheard by awe.

Woman who looks like she’s seen better days #1: Have you ever tried donating plasma before?
Woman who looks like she’s seen better days #2: No.
Woman who looks like she’s seen better days #1: No? I’ve tried before, but I was crazy then, and my iron was low.

Eastbound 21, Lake Street
Overheard by Plasma-donor’s double whammy.

Chick: (looking at video arcade) Aurora Borealis? What’s that?
Guy: Um, I think it means Northern Lights.
Chick: Oh. For a minute I thought it said ‘Areola’.

MSP Airport, C terminal
Overheard by the night sky just got more interesting…

Ghetto-fabulous mother to her daughter: You’re acting stupid.
Daughter: No, I’m not!
Mother: Hey! It’s “no you ain’t!”

Midway Target
Overheard by maybe homeschooling wasn’t a good choice.

Student: Can we replace the parentheses with commas?  Because I’m more of a comma person than a parentheses person.

Metro State
Overheard by (sxoidmal).

Young mom with small baby: Are you serious?  I have to go out to a special place in the parking lot to smoke a cigarette? I have a BABY with me.  I don’t want to take him out in the parking lot.

Mall of America
Overheard by Strolling Amok.

Drunk guy talking a little too loudly to his friend at the bar: Man, I can’t WAIT to go to your funeral!

Hoggsbreath - Roseville
Overheard by it should be a smashing good time.

Metal dude: Jennifer Connelly can control male insects with her mind.

the anth lounge - U of M
Overheard by glad i’m not a male insect…

Girl to boyfriend: Every time I talk to you, you’re eating a TV dinner.

Cub Foods, Bloomington
Overheard by Good observation.

Loud little boy at the end of the Easter service after the pastor dismissed everyone: YAY! School is over!

Berean Baptist Church, Burnsville
Overheard by HA, that’s awesome!

Spaced-out case manager helping client apply for Social Security: So this question here asks you to describe your daily routine in the morning. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? Brush your teeth?
Client: I ain’t got no teeth. I smoke a ciggie.
Case manager: Oh, that’s right. *begins to write* I smoke a cigarette when I get up in the morning…

Office in Minneapolis - Next cube over
Overheard by Gotta love social services.

Six-year-old girl: Mom, when is this stupid bus coming? If it doesn’t come soon, I’m going to have to talk to the manager!

46th St. Station
Overheard by where did she get that from?

Teenage girl: I ain’t a fuckin’ alcoholic. An alcoholic is someone who… man, fuck you, I ain’t even been drunk in a fuckin’ week, fuck.

the 19
Overheard by why are you slurring?