Gay man: Not everyone wants to have their uterus opened!

Gas Station near Arden Hills
Overheard by I’ll keep mine closed thank you.

Annoyed lady on cell phone in bathroom stall: Mmm hmmm, uh huh, mmm hmm, yep… oh before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?

Government Center
Overheard by I hope she’s not talking about me.

Male stoner boarding bus full of professional commuters: Is this the bus to downtown?
His female companion: Yes.
Male: Express bus to down-tiz-own! (20 minutes later) Where are we? Are we in downtown Minneapolis?
Female: Yes.
Male (uncertainly): It looks like it…
Female: Yes.
Male: We are in downtown Minneapolis?
Female: Ask the bus driver!
Male: Yeah, we’re in downtown.  So, where are we supposed to go?
Female: I dunno!

Express bus to down-tiz-own
Overheard by Careswen.

Cube dweller to cube neighbor: You’re like Mr. Rogers because you wear a lot of cardigans. And because you’re my neighbor.

Downtown office
Overheard by JfA.

Woman talking to new mother: What a cute baby!  It’s a blessing to be around babies, it surely is.  They so peaceful.  It’s a blessing from Jesus Christ.
Mother: (inaudible)
Woman: He got a Biblical name! (does a little dance)  …Jacob, Abraham, Isaac!  You go, Abraham, and rewrite the Constitution, because they didn’t include nothing about blacks.  Don’t understand why we gotta come to court no how.  They gotta drag us in here against our will.  Guess they couldn’t keep hanging us.  Couldn’t keep raping our daughters.  Now they press charges against the blacks for every little thing.  Always arresting us, letting us go, arresting us again.  Always bringing us to court, letting us go, bringing us back in to court.  I know a guy who’s in jail over a little $15 check.  I hate ‘em all.  I hate lying, deceiving, perpetrating. But I don’t hate the truth.  (attending to baby) Oh, he stanky! He stanky!

Government Center, Minneapolis
Overheard by sxoidmal.