Clueless girl: Hey, you should sign up for Beginning Tennis with me!
Wannabe fratboy: Beginner’s tennis? Are you kidding? People compare my serve to Andre Agassi!
Clueless girl: Who’s that?
Wannabe: (stunned silence)
Clueless girl: Ya, well they compare MY serve to Anna Kournikova!

Dining Center @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG,

Guy #1: C’mon, guys. Ingosoc? Hello! 1984? Orwell? Political system of Oceania?
Guy #2: Oh yeah! The minute you said 1984 I knew what you were talking about.
Girl: How should I know? I wasn’t even alive in 1984!

BSA Office @ Bethel University
Overheard by JAG.

Overly excited man regarding Smuckers Uncrustable sandwiches: They just have the perfect amount of peanut butter and jelly in them! They’re like… mouth heaven!

Wedding in St. Cloud
Overheard by Wish I got that excited about sandwiches.

Heavyset middle-aged woman: That’s why I like movies, instead of books. Because you can find out what happens faster.

An office on Chicago Avenue in South Minneapolis
Overheard by Max.

Lady #1: Well, isn’t Mary a vegetarian? I don’t know what she’ll eat at the Potluck.
Lady #2: She is??  Then how come she’s so fat?  Don’t vegetarians just eat lettuce?
Lady #1: (very all knowing and certain) Yeah, that’s all they can eat. I don’t know how she gained so much weight on just lettuce.
Lady #2: (Laughs heartily) Well, I’ll just ask her when we go back. Wow, I don’t think I could be a vegetarian and eat lettuce forever.

Fitness Locker room of Corporate office in Eagan
Overheard by S.S.

Coworker (calling potential employer to cancel a job interview): I need to cancel our meeting tonight. I guess it’s my son’s birthday.

Mortgage Lender in Richfield
Overheard by walkonred.

Kowalski’s worker, referring to Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi playing from the overhead speakers: Who is this singing?? She’s butchering that Counting Crows song!!

Kowalski’s break room
Overheard by ashamed by my generation.

Girl #1: Jesus, stop messing with my Facebook.
Girl #2: Yeah, for serious.

U of M
Overheard by What a sad world.

20-something girl to friends at table: I want to order something that sounds German. Like a douche-burger.

Black Forest Inn
Overheard by Hoping she meant “Deutsche-burger.”