20-something girl to friends at table: I want to order something that sounds German. Like a douche-burger.

Black Forest Inn
Overheard by Hoping she meant “Deutsche-burger.”

Punky suburban girl: (Pouring splenda into her coffee) I don’t care. Let it give me cancer and kill me!
Friends: (Laugh)
Punky suburban girl: (frowning) I’ll probably end up killing myself anyway.
Friends: (Stop laughing)

Perkins in Plymouth

Drunk college kid: Dude, this one time I ate a whole bag of Cheetos by myself and my poop was orange the next day!

u of m, spring jam 08
Overheard by are we 21 or 2?

Drunk College Senior Girl: I was two for the 1987 World Series.
“Old” Guy: Really? I was nineteen.
Drunk College Senior Girl: Well, you don’t look that old!

Stub and Herbs
Overheard by: t.ro

Middle Scool Age Kid to Friend: No, dude, just punch me in the stomach!

AMC movie theatre at Rosedale Mall
Overheard by ah, to be young again.

Man: A good sandwich is really all about good ingredients.
Woman: All food is about good ingredients.
Man: But I’m talking about sandwiches here.

Near Robert Street
Overheard by Zippy.

Woman: There was a family in my hometown with the last name Weiner.
Man: I grew up with a wiener.

Highland Park, St. Paul

Drunk Guy: Man, my balls hurt from having this hard thing bouncing around between them.

u of m- superblock
Overheard by i assume you’re talking about a bottle of beer.

Girl to male friend:  So, do you like her or what?
Male friend:  I guess I haven’t really decided a yes or no yet. She has good teeth, though.

Coffee Shop, Gustavus
Overheard by Talk about standards.

Man (who at one time, wanted to be Zak Efron), speaking to his wife: There’s something about being able to walk into a store and buy a gun, a samuri sword and a bottle of liquor.

225 S. 6th Street, 12th floor
Overheard by way to be a badass!

Post Office Worker #1: Oh! Here’s the new roll of stamps we just got in yesterday. Look at that, there are four designs on each roll!
Post Office Worker #2 (sarcastically): Well, isn’t that the coolest thing. I just get so excited over stamps. Stamps are the greatest!
Post Office Worker #1: I know, I love them!

Plymouth Post Office
Overheard by a fellow stamp lover.

Non-employee randomly standing in our hallway talking on cell phone: What time is it where you are? (pause, looking at watch). Oh, yeah, it’s 1:35 here too.  You must be in the same time zone I am!

Cubeland, Downtown MPLS
Overheard by I wish I was half a time zone away from you.

Woman on cell phone: I just didn’t think it was very nice, how you told me to f–k off like that.

City Center
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Maintenance man #1: Today, that plumbing was a bear. Thank god for beer!
Maintenance man #2: Well, it’s better then being sober.

Apartment building in Highland
Overheard by I don’t think my toilet is broken now.

Gay man: Not everyone wants to have their uterus opened!

Gas Station near Arden Hills
Overheard by I’ll keep mine closed thank you.

Annoyed lady on cell phone in bathroom stall: Mmm hmmm, uh huh, mmm hmm, yep… oh before that, can you tell her to lick my ass, too?

Government Center
Overheard by I hope she’s not talking about me.

Male stoner boarding bus full of professional commuters: Is this the bus to downtown?
His female companion: Yes.
Male: Express bus to down-tiz-own! (20 minutes later) Where are we? Are we in downtown Minneapolis?
Female: Yes.
Male (uncertainly): It looks like it…
Female: Yes.
Male: We are in downtown Minneapolis?
Female: Ask the bus driver!
Male: Yeah, we’re in downtown.  So, where are we supposed to go?
Female: I dunno!

Express bus to down-tiz-own
Overheard by Careswen.

Cube dweller to cube neighbor: You’re like Mr. Rogers because you wear a lot of cardigans. And because you’re my neighbor.

Downtown office
Overheard by JfA.

Woman talking to new mother: What a cute baby!  It’s a blessing to be around babies, it surely is.  They so peaceful.  It’s a blessing from Jesus Christ.
Mother: (inaudible)
Woman: He got a Biblical name! (does a little dance)  …Jacob, Abraham, Isaac!  You go, Abraham, and rewrite the Constitution, because they didn’t include nothing about blacks.  Don’t understand why we gotta come to court no how.  They gotta drag us in here against our will.  Guess they couldn’t keep hanging us.  Couldn’t keep raping our daughters.  Now they press charges against the blacks for every little thing.  Always arresting us, letting us go, arresting us again.  Always bringing us to court, letting us go, bringing us back in to court.  I know a guy who’s in jail over a little $15 check.  I hate ‘em all.  I hate lying, deceiving, perpetrating. But I don’t hate the truth.  (attending to baby) Oh, he stanky! He stanky!

Government Center, Minneapolis
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Drunk Girl #1: This is the third time I’ve gone to the bathroom tonight, I think I have diabetes.
Drunk Girl #2: Really? Is that a symptom?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, when you have diabetes you have to pee a lot.
Drunk Girl #2: Maybe it’s just all of the beer you drank?
Drunk Girl #1: Yeah, that could be it.

Billy’s on Grand
Overheard by Beer + More Beer = many trips to the bathroom.