U of M administrator: I’ve been thinking that I should start my own cult. It doesn’t have to be anything sexual. It could involve squirrels.

U of M
Overheard by Count me in!

Dude: I think crematoriums are great places for sick people. Let God sort them out.

Muddy Waters
Overheard by way to be compassionate, buddy.

Hungover guy: Yeah man, so it was all good until I got so drunk that I pissed in my oven.

Outside Muddy Waters
Overheard by Hah!

College girl to friend while listening to the song “Hang Me Out to Dry”: Dude, I just pictured my tampon singing this song!

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

Stressed out woman: That sucks, I’m sorry.
Depressed friend: It’s not your fault.
Stressed out woman: That was a sympathy sorry. Like an ‘I’m sorry your grandma died’ sorry… not because I killed her, but because I’m sorry she’s dead.

Northern Brewer in Roseville
Overheard by I’m sorry because I don’t know what else to feel.

Surprisingly foul-mouthed little boy: That’s like me.  When Ah’m hong-gry, I’ll eat a whole thing-a… (pantomimes dumping jar into his mouth) …mayonnaise.

4 bus northbound on Hennepin
Overheard by sxoidmal.