Bethel student to girlfriend: I’m not saying the guy dipped the knife in a vat of AIDS or cut himself with it before he cut me, but he could have!
Girlfriend hits guy: You should have told me that earlier.
Bethel student: Well, if I have AIDS, then you have AIDS, and we can have AIDS together!

Bethel University Dorms
Overheard by a.lil.

Bus Driver: Well, now you get to remember what it’s like to ride the bus in the summer. It’s hot! And if the person next to you had eaten garlic, it will make your ear wilt. And if the person next to you is from another country, their perfume will make your other ear wilt!
Passenger #1: He must be near retirement.
Passenger #2: Yeah! That was pretty racist.
Passenger #1: Borderline.
Passenger #2: Borderline racist.

Number 2 bus on Chicago and Franklin
Overheard by Max.

Guy on souped up scooter to guy next to him on normal scooter at stop light: THIS one lets me ride on that short stretch of 35E at 45mph.

Summit Ave
Overheard by Dude on the bicycle who kept catching up at stop lights.

Drunk girl: I don’t have herpes but I have, um, some Minnesotan hurt, you know, it’s not herpes.  God damn, god damn. My tummy hurts.  Just let us know who was there, all right?  God damn. Stop typing, dammit.  Ow, my tummy hurts!

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

Blonde co-worker: So, like, is CO2 what makes Helium balloons float?
Brunette co-worker: Yeah, it must be. (long pause) Wait!! HELIUM is what makes Helium balloons float!

Downtown Advertising Agency
Overheard by brunettes struggling to keep it just one step ahead.

Obnoxious girl: Oh my gosh, my mom totally tries to be so cool. (giggle) Like this morning she had money and she was like, here take this money, it’s ten more dollars than you have now.
Teacher: Oh stop! Your mom is adorable!  My kids think I try too hard, but I think I’m a ninny.
Obnoxious girl: Whatever! My mom was trying to give me money and I was like, I don’t understand you!
Teacher: (laughs) Who’s the ninny now, Jane?!
Obnoxious girl: (laugh) I don’t know, it’s too early for math.

Plymouth Lunds
Overheard by wait, what?

Girl #1 (going on field trip): You guys, the bus isn’t here yet, we might have to drive everyone separately!
Girl #2: I don’t think the school will let us do that, that’s a big liability issue.
Girl #1: Oh, it’s okay, I have car insurance and everyone has life insurance.

Wayzata high school
Overheard by huh.

Lit Class Substitute Teacher: Did I hear that correctly? “Please don’t rape me with your feelings”?

Burnsville High School
Overheard by Yep, your hearing is perfect.

Study Hall Girl: We’re reading a bunch of Africa books. All they talk about is urine.

Burnsville High School
Overheard by I’m sure that’s not ALL they talk about.

Very large woman in line (staring at menu board which clearly does not list chicken wild rice as a soup option): Um, I’ll have a bowl of chicken wild rice.
Employee: I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t have that today.
Very large woman: You don’t have it?  You always have it!
Employee: I’m sorry, we don’t have it today.
Very large woman: So you’re saying I can’t get chicken wild rice today?!
Employee (looking a bit bewildered): Yes, that’s what I’m saying.
Very large woman: This is bullshit!  I’m going to McDonald’s!
Very large woman’s friend (to employee): I am so sorry.

DT St Paul Macy’s Marketplace
Overheard by It must be frustrating to maintain that weight.

Little Girl after looking in her mailbox and discovering it was empty to the mailman: GIVE ME MONEY!

Como Neighborhood
Overheard by damn… I wish it worked like that!