Father to 4-year-old-son walking away from him down aisle: No Jimmy*, you don’t need that. That’s a dog treat, and you don’t have a dog.
Jimmy: *stomps feet* GAHHHH!

Richfield Target
Overheard by parents just don’t understand.

Uptight-looking female tourist: May we please get a table on the patio?
Hostess:  Sure, how many will there be?
Uptight-looking female tourist:  Four and two children, but, um, are there bugs outside?
Hostess: (smiling) Nope.
Uptight-looking female tourist: (looking miffed) I’m serious.
Hostess: Well in that case, yes.

A restaurant in Stillwater
Overheard by Seriously?

Young woman, yelling to friend across two aisles: Do I want Spray & Play or Spray & Play Harder?

Feminine Hygiene Dept., Quarry Target
Overheard by sxoidmal, way out of his depth.

Older Worker: (looking at baby pictures) Oh, he’s so cute!
Student Worker: Yeah!  He’ll be a week old on Friday!
Older Worker: How old is he?
Student Worker: Um, he’ll be a week old on Friday.

Prestigious St. Paul University
Overheard by UniWorker.

Girl, to coworker: I don’t need a fucking hug, I need a CIGARETTE!

Farmer’s Market
Overheard by word up.

Guy holding his girlfriend’s plants: So, do these things, like… grow?

Farmer’s Market
Overheard by only if you do it right.

Pizza delivery guy #1: Dude, if I’m gonna kidnap a doctor, I might as well kidnap a homeless guy and take his heart.
Pizza delivery guy #2: *nods*

Domino’s, Anoka
Overheard by oh my.

Girl: …and I was the puddle queen; ruler of my puddle kingdom.

Anoka high school

Guy: It’s like playing hopscotch with your shirt off and the little kids are like, “Mommy, look at his boobies” and I’m like, “YEAH. LOOK AT MY BOOBIES.”

Domino’s, Anoka
Overheard by well that’s neat.