High School Girl #1: You look so summery today!
High School Girl #2: (monotonously) I look like I’m dead.
High School Girl #1: You ARE dead.

Wayzata High School

Ditzy college girl in line for food: Dude, they like would only give me one hashbrown last time.
Friend: No way! I want two hashbrowns.
Ditz: I know right? But I guess they like can’t give you more than one.
Friend: Seriously? Whatever, I totally want two.
Ditz: Yeah!
Friend: So, they won’t give you two?
Ditz: No, no more than one.
Friend: Whatever, I’m gonna ask for two.

Bethel University
Overheard by a.lil.

Middle school boy:  I’m a grown-ass man
The sub:  And how old are you?
Middle school boy:  I’m 14.  I’m a grown-ass man.

First-ring suburban middle school
Overheard by Uh-huh.