Really really loud woman on cellphone: Did you bone her afterwards?

Megabus
Overheard by i just want to sleep…

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Dirty Old Man: Yeah they’re real, only the real ones jiggle.

Barber Shop/Bloomington
Overheard by yeah, it’s exactly what you think it is.

Girl on bike #1: This reminds me of Italy!!!
Girl on bike #2: No, it doesn’t.

W River Parkway near Stone Arch Bridge
Overheard by and you thought you had your memories straight.

Pinched, Botox-ed mom to her annoyed daughter, who is wearing an A-line shirt: …and that SHIRT? Seriously, Meaghann*, people are going to look at you and think, “That girl is pregnant.” Pregnant. Preh-heg-NANT.

Edina Lunds
Overheard by Jesus, how did I wind up in Edina?!

Woman staring at a wall of computer software, to her bored-looking friend: I fucking rock at that Sponge Bob typing game.

Apple Store, Southdale
Overheard by When you’re good, you gotta let ‘em know.

Very Old Black Woman #1:  And you know, you know what they did? They took my apple juice.  They wouldn’t let me take my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  They let me take my booze, because I’m diabetic.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  They took my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  You gotta tell ‘em you’re diabetic.  They let me keep my booze, you gotta tell ‘em.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  I told them I was diabetic! They took it.  It had a little, a little straw coming out.  (To gate attendant) Did you know they took my apple juice?  It had a straw.
Gate Attendant (who has been listening to the exchange):  I will go right now and buy you a  bottle of apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2 (to gate attendant):  She’s diabetic.
(A few minutes later)
Gate Attendant:  They didn’t have apple juice, is cranberry juice okay?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Did you really go get that?
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Did he really get it?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Well, he’s my friend.  Course he did.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Ohhh my goodness.  You GIRL.  You still got it.

Humphrey Terminal, MSP
Overheard by waiting to board.