Teen Girl: We don’t get to keep the gowns. We get to keep the hats.
Mom: Umm, yeah, I know.
Teen Girl: Those hats are so stupid.  I’d rather gag than wear it.

Kohl’s in Blaine
Overheard by the Elderly Multigravida.

Girl: 45 whole seconds huh?
Guy (defensively): Well, I haven’t been masturbating!

Grumpy’s in Roseville
Overheard by maybe you should.

Girl:  Sometimes I like to look at pictures of deaf people online.  They don’t look any different!

U of M campus

Girl on Phone: Hey girl!  I just got done lubricating my Rubik’s Cube!

Hopkins High School
Overheard by Momo.

Teenage Guy: Hey, can I have an arm massage?
Teenage Girl: I am NOT giving you another arm massage.
Teenage Guy: Please?
Teenage Girl: NO.
Teenage Guy: Ankle massage?

Hopkins High School
Overheard by Julie.

Guy: I decided I would do a little social experiment.  So I went to the gas station and bought a chocolate muffin and sat down outside the door.  Then this guy passed me, so I shoved the muffin in my mouth and started singing “What if God Was One of Us” with little pieces of the muffin falling out of my mouth.  It was great.

Hopkins High School
Overheard by Julie.

Employee: And how are you doing today?
Customer: Hey, if I was any better, I’d be a parade!

Trader Joe’s
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Loud teen girl on cellphone: Jaime, I’ve been CALLing you! Didn’t you feel it in your pants?

accessories section at Edina Target
Overheard by yikes.