10-year-old girl: The sky is black, the garbage is blowing out of the garbage cans, we’re gonna get a tornado!
Mom wearing scrubs: No, it’s way up north, it’s not even going to come here.
10-year-old girl: That’s a damn shame! Why don’t we ever get tornadoes?
Mom: I don’t want no tornado!

Midway White Castle
Overheard by twitchy.

Ditz: They should just make cars out of like, cushions.  Then they’d just bounce.  Why don’t they make them like that?
Guy: (long pause) It might be aerodynamics.

Pizza Luce, Uptown
Overheard by the sex ain’t worth it, buddy.

Gradmother (who has been sitting through over 100 names being called at graduation) after a name is called of someone she doesn’t know: YAYYY!
Girl: What are you doing?  Do you know them?
Grandmother: I have an idea!  Lets use a different animal noise after every name that is called!
Girl: Umm…
Dean: Sarah Smith*.
Grandmother: WOOF!

St. Olaf graduation
Overheard by Well, it’s better than clapping.

Really really loud woman on cellphone: Did you bone her afterwards?

Megabus
Overheard by i just want to sleep…

Loud, obnoxious drunk: Hey, can you make me a Pink Cadillac?
Bartender: Uh, I’m not sure that I…
Drunk: Well, how ’bout a mojito?
Bartender: A mojito? Sure, I can–
Drunk: Aw, I’m just kiddin’ with ya. This guy said I looked GAY!!

The Strip Club, St Paul
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Dirty Old Man: Yeah they’re real, only the real ones jiggle.

Barber Shop/Bloomington
Overheard by yeah, it’s exactly what you think it is.

Girl on bike #1: This reminds me of Italy!!!
Girl on bike #2: No, it doesn’t.

W River Parkway near Stone Arch Bridge
Overheard by and you thought you had your memories straight.

Pinched, Botox-ed mom to her annoyed daughter, who is wearing an A-line shirt: …and that SHIRT? Seriously, Meaghann*, people are going to look at you and think, “That girl is pregnant.” Pregnant. Preh-heg-NANT.

Edina Lunds
Overheard by Jesus, how did I wind up in Edina?!

Woman staring at a wall of computer software, to her bored-looking friend: I fucking rock at that Sponge Bob typing game.

Apple Store, Southdale
Overheard by When you’re good, you gotta let ‘em know.

Very Old Black Woman #1:  And you know, you know what they did? They took my apple juice.  They wouldn’t let me take my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  They let me take my booze, because I’m diabetic.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  They took my apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  You gotta tell ‘em you’re diabetic.  They let me keep my booze, you gotta tell ‘em.
Very Old Black Woman #1:  I told them I was diabetic! They took it.  It had a little, a little straw coming out.  (To gate attendant) Did you know they took my apple juice?  It had a straw.
Gate Attendant (who has been listening to the exchange):  I will go right now and buy you a  bottle of apple juice.
Very Old Black Woman #2 (to gate attendant):  She’s diabetic.
(A few minutes later)
Gate Attendant:  They didn’t have apple juice, is cranberry juice okay?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Did you really go get that?
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Did he really get it?
Very Old Black Woman #1:  Well, he’s my friend.  Course he did.
Very Old Black Woman #2:  Ohhh my goodness.  You GIRL.  You still got it.

Humphrey Terminal, MSP
Overheard by waiting to board.

Early-20s woman: (laughing merrily) I don’t usually overdraft much, but I overdrafted like 16 times last month.

downtown Minneapolis Target store
Overheard by …and she was SHOPPING.

Fit woman, to unfit woman: I’ve seen her, we’ve showered several times, of course.  And she has no ass. NO ass.  (wildly gesturing)

5th Street Towers Skyway, Downtown Mpls
Overheard by I bet pants shopping is difficult.

Redhead: So, Amy*, Paul* and Mike* had a threesome last night.
Friend: Oh my god!
Redhead: Yeah.  And later they found out that she was high the whole time.  On HEROIN.
Friend:  Yeah, that sounds like her.
Guy friend: Is she in the program?
Redhead:  Supposedly.

The 3A bus
Overheard by someone without real problems.

Girl in bathroom stall #1: I love 50’s fashion!
Girl in bathroom stall #2: I know! The 60’s was good too.
Girl in bathroom stall #1: Yeah, I wear a lot of, like, 70’s and 80’s.
Girl in bathroom stall #2: I wear 90’s.

ACME Comedy Club
Overheard by need to get out of here ASAP.

Male Coworker #1: Dude, what about the HR director?
Male Coworker #2: Ohhh, man. She’s so hot AND she’s in HR! So, you know she’s into sexual harrassment. She deals with it all the time!
Male Coworker #1: Did you really just say that?

Plymouth Green Mill Happy Hour
Overheard by Well, if she deals with it everyday…

Awkward professor #1: So, what are you up to this weekend?
Awkward professor #2: Ohh, it’s usually whatever the kids have going on.
Awkward professor #1: Oh, that’s what I figured.
Awkward professor #2: Yeah, we were at a softball tournament all weekend last week.
Awkward professor #1: Oh, yeah?
Awkward professor #2: Yeah, it sucked.

Midnight Express, Gustavus Adolphus College
Overheard by i’m glad he’s not MY dad.

Hilariously Irate Mom to small daughter: I told you not to drink that! I told you! Now you’re sick! Yeah, they shouldn’t call it “Propel Fitness Water”, They should call it “Propel Sickness Water”! I told you not to drink it! Now you sick!

Mall of America
Overheard by Must have been the peach flavor..

(In response to the Caribou Coffee question of the day, “What does the acronym “SCUBA” stand for?)
Late-Twenty-Something Woman: I totally know the answer to that. And you know how I know it? Because of Mallory Keaton on Family Ties.
(Several other late-twenty-somethings look up from their laptops and confirm that’s how they knew the answer, too.)
Teenage Barista: Family Ties? Um, what’s that?
Late-Twenty-Something Woman: Oh God. Um, it was a TV show. In the 80’s. Alex P. Keaton? Wow.

Caribou Coffee, Grand & Snelling
Overheard by Just realized that I, too, am apparently ancient.

Coworker: I love my moist muffins!

225 S. 6th St. Minneapolis, MN 12th floor
Overheard by F U U F U.

Teenage girl: I want a husband who will call me ‘bitch’ as a joke.
Friend: …

The Tea Garden, Minneapolis
Overheard by Nunya Bidnat.