Skinny gay man: I’m so fat.  Someone should just shoot me!
Friend: You’re not fat!
Skinny gay man: Take me out to the fat dumpster.

Uptown
Overheard by He’s only kinda fat…

Man downtown (screaming to himself): Get the f**k away from my head, you bald headed fu**ing b*tch.

Downtown Minneapolis on Nicollet Mall
Overheard by great, he’s walking towards me!

Lady in Arby’s (to herself): Yep, God was man. This is a man’s world. Sure is. (Takes a bite of roast beef.) Yep, Arby’s has been here for a thousand years. (Takes a drink of pop.) Yep, Jesus was a man, not a woman.

Arby’s Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Am I the only one who notices this woman??

Guy crossing street, alarmed: I have the right of way!
Woman turning right on red into horde of pedestrians, yelling out window: I know! It’s fine, I’ll leave you be.

Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by amused pedestrian.

College age boy: Some day I want to go casket shopping and, like, try them out.

Toast Wine Bar & Café, Minneapolis
Overheard by yeah, me too…

Girl on cell: YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T GET HIGH ANYMORE! Well, come to the commons and we can make out instead. I’d get your girlfriend to come and make out with you if she wasn’t fuckin’ grounded again. ‘Kay, see you soon.

Excelsior Commons

Man: I’m too old for overnight adventures.
Woman: You’re too married.

The Loft
Overheard by Garage girl #1.

6-yr-old boy: Smell my fart mom! Smell my fart!

Eden Prairie Center Parking Lot
Overheard by a-town.

High-school-age girl: Ughh, I think I’m delusional.
Mom: You’re not delusional, honey, you’re having a panic attack.
High-school-age girl: Oh god, mom, you’re sooo embarrassing!

Eden Prairie Target
Overheard by a-town.