Manager of restaurant to guy leaving restroom: I know we don’t have paper towels in there. I am getting some right now.
Guy: It’s ok. I never wash my hands anyway.

Eagan, MN, Buffalo Wild Wings
Overheard by that guy’s girlfriend.

Boy (to Dairy Queen cashier): Um, excuse me… I ordered a thin mint blizzard and you gave me this applesauce.
Cashier: Huh, that’s weird.  I didn’t even know we had applesauce.
Boy: Well neither did I, but apparently…
Cashier (to other cashier): Kyla, why’d we give this boy applesauce?  (to boy)  Is it any good?
Boy: Well, it’s pretty good.  (sips applesauce)  A little warm, but good.

Minnetonka Mills Dairy Queen
Overheard by hahahaha.

Girl: Ben, you can’t just go throwing around your penis quarter at anyone.  Some people don’t like that too much.

Minnetonka Mills
Overheard by well that’s odd.

High school girl wearing her aviators in the Mall of America: Ooh. When you’re done at H&M, let’s get craps. I love those craps.

MOA
Overheard by They really need the phonetic pronounciation on the menu

Crazy black lady: I’m up here with Osama Bin Laden with that man’s terrorist force.  I don’t get why people be hatin’ on that man, ya’know? (A few minutes later, talking to her drunk neighbor) Can I get some of your beer? My lips are dry I did some bad crack earlier.  I’m just kidding, but seriously, that was some bad shit.

Minneapolis, Outside apartment building
Overheard by Freya… I just wanted to spend my 21st birthday in peace.

Teenage girl #1, to pack of other teenage girls in the feminine products aisle: When do you douche?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know, when do YOU douche?
(Group of teenage girls giggle hysterically)

Wayzata, Lunds
Overheard by Personally, I prefer Thursdays.

Teen Boy: (strokes girl’s arm) How are you today?
Teen Girl: I’m good. (half-smiles, uncomfortably)
Teen Boy: I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m so awkward! I’m hungry. (walks away.)

Wayzata, Lake Street
Overheard by what an interesting relationship.

Blonde Female Teen (to friend): Here. I’ll trade you her right boob for the left side of her crotch.

Minnetonka, on the street
Overheard by I’m really glad I’m not her.

Older Woman to Middle Aged Man walking a dog: Is that how all dogs walk?
Middle Aged Man: That’s how THIS dog walks.

Minneapolis, Lake Calhoun
Overheard by Have you never seen a dog walk before.

Father: You need to empty your bladder before the flight!
Daughter: (high voice) I don’t wanna!!!
Father: (unashamedly getting louder) You NEED to empty your bladder before the flight!

MSP Airport

Sam:  Fred, come frolic with me.
Fred stuffing himself:  Sam, I can’t frolic while eating.

Virginia, MN, Loading Bikes for Great River Energy Bike Tour
Overheard by That would be an impediment.

25-year old man: If I don’t have enough to drink, I get tired and go to sleep.  It’s a character flaw.

Pei Wei, Eden Prairie
Overheard by kung pao rick.

Guy #1: Hey dude, we saw your exact look-a-like tonight at the bar!
Guy #2: Fuck no, nobody’s this good looking.

Apartment parking lot in Minnetonka
Overheard by udderly mooooving.

40-something executive: I was about as worthless as tits in a bowl today.

Office in Chanhassen
Overheard by supposed to be working.

Middle aged black man walking alone, out loud to himself:  Maaan… there are white people everywhere.

Minneapolis, IDS Building, skyway level
Overheard by Welcome to Minnesota.

Woman: I’m looking for a friend of mine.
Receptionist: Do you know his name?
Woman: I don’t know his first name. I don’t know his last name. I only know his nickname.

HCMC

Old guy #1, to young guy getting married in September: So when’s the wedding?
Young guy: In four weeks, September 6.
Old guy #2 (president of the company):  Do you know how far away you can GET in four weeks?

Roseville, at work
Overheard by Angela.

55+ woman:  Fine by me… how much cocaine can you even buy for $180 bucks?  Probably only, like, a gram.  (long pause) Ya know, that’s the problem with drugs these days.  They are so expensive.

Minneapolis Backyard
Overheard by Her Niece.

Male boss into phone, excitedly: So how’s the pregnancy going?! [pause] Well, that’s great! Are you going to go C-section? [short pause] Look, I don’t need to hear about your placenta. You start telling me about your uterus, and we can just be done talking about this. I don’t need to hear about your women’s things.

Small office in Golden Valley, MN
Overheard by this, from the guy who says he knows what childbirth is like?