Father: She wants some lovin’, doesn’t she?
Son: No, she wants a cookie.

Lake Harriet beach
Overheard by i like cookies too.

Middle-Age Woman: Maybe the numbers are different in Spanish.
Younger Woman: No, no. The numbers look the same. They only look different when you write out the words.
Middle-Age Woman: Oh.

Minneapolis, Skyway Level, Parking Ramp B
Overheard by Thanks again, BlackBerry.

Grandmother in children’s book section: How about this one?
Young Mother: That book irritates me; the tiger in it is so cocky.
Grandmother: Yeah, it kind of is.
Young Mother: I mean, what’s up with how his spots get bigger throughout the whole book?  And he gets bigger too!  It’s like they’re showing us how cocky he’s getting.  I hate that tiger!
Other woman with them: Um, if he has spots he’s a cheetah.
Young Mother: I don’t give a damn what he is!  He’s cocky!

Arden Hills, Target
Overheard by a.lil.

Customer Service Girl: I think I burned my face.

The Office in Lakeville
Overheard by You’re not sure?

Teenage girl on bike, to her friends on bikes: This is the hooptiest hoopty I ever rode!

In front of Midtown Target

Wannabe cowboy on cell phone: Dude, I gotta tell you about my STD from the silent film era! (long pause) Okay ready? Okay.  I MADE OUT WITH A CHICK WHO WAS 52 YEARS OLD!

Detroit Lakes, WEfest
Overheard by hope she had a charlie chaplin mustache.

6-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m scared!
Dad: Of what?
Girl: All the shavers!
Dad: You’re scared of them?
Girl: Yes, they scare me.
Dad: (picks up electric razor and puts it in girls face) Muahahaha!
Girl: Ahhhhhh! Daddy I’m scared of them!
Dad: (puts electric razor down) Hahahaha!
Girl: Daddy, it’s not funny.  I’d rather be with mommy… she doesn’t do scary things.

Razor/deodorant aisle at Walmart, St. Anthony
Overheard by a.lil.

Guy on crowded bus, to friend: My undies are going to smell like Mexican food for a day and a half.

#17 bus, uptown
Overheard by I don’t want to know.

Girl to boyfriend, while picking up a blue shag rug: We could just get a Muppet.  Like, I could be a murderer of Muppets.

Ikea
Overheard by Not Cookie Monster!

20-something girl: Yeah, he and my uncle don’t get along at all. Sometimes my uncle will get his posse together and go over to his house…

U of M - Great Wall Chinese restaurant
Overheard by a-town.

Mother yelling at her stroller-bound toddler: Stop it, a**hole!

Downtown Minneapolis
Overheard by Just trying to walk quietly to a Twins game.

President of the company says to his male co-worker: So, does that affect your bowel movements?

901 Marquette Avenue South (formerly the 225 S. 6th street crew!)
Overheard by Sometimes I wish I just didn’t pay attention to people.

Nurse: How are the bowel movements?
Patient: Define bowel movements.

Minneapolis, A clinic

30-something Girl #1: You know what’d be funny?
30-something Girl #2: What?
30-something Girl #1: I wanna get two Jack Russell terriers and name one Jack and one Russell.
30-something Girl #2: *silence*
30-something Girl #1: Isn’t that funny?!
30-something Girl #2: Nah.
30-something Girl #1: Well, I think it is.

Minneapolis, Lake Harriet walking path
Overheard by doodledee.

40-going-on-25 wannabe hipster to store employee: Do you carry any of that Surly beer?
Employee, pointing to the Surly cans: Sure, it’s right over here.
Hipster: Oh, don’t you carry it in bottles or anything like that?
Employee: You’re not from around here, are you?

Minneapolis, Surdyk’s
Overheard by It’s beer for a glass, from a can.

Little boy: What’s your shirt say??
Older boy: “The Freaks Come Out at Night.”
Little boy: Freaks? Oh, you mean crack heads!?

Minneapolis, Bryant Ave.
Overheard by you have a curfew.

Middle Aged Drunk White Lady, unironically: Dude, where’s my car?

Uptown
Overheard by Unicorn Lover.

20-something male LRT commuter: I’m meeting people from work for a birthday party at Ichiban’s at 6.
Older colleague: What are you doing on the train then?
20-something male LRT commuter: I’m going to pick up my car at Fort Snelling and come back downtown; I wouldn’t want to ride this thing after 6.

LRT southbound train 5:00 pm
Overheard by Commuter in disbelief.

College Girl #1, at about 4:30 in the afternoon: Well, we could go get dinner now, but it’s really early for that.
College Guy: Well, it’s not too early if you are old.
College Girl #2: Yeah, they always start rolling into the restaurant about this time.
College Girl #1: Really? I can’t wait to be old!

Minneapolis, Seven Corners
Overheard by I’m not in that big of a rush…

Woman, upon opening a bag of Doritos:  Shiiiit.  This bag of chips is only half full.

Burnsville, Super America
Overheard by Should have read the fine print.