Attractive redhead to person buying her a drink: I’ll have a Grey Goose Martini, ass-to-mouth dirty, straight up please.

New Brighton, Our Bar
Overheard by Kickballer.

Teenage girl on cell phone: Go to Target, they got ‘em two-for-one. No, you buy one and get two… nuh-uh, you only buy the one and get two. No, you GET two when you BUY one. NO, ‘cuz you only gotta buy ONE. NO! You still get two!

Minneapolis, Neighborhood street near Lake Hiawatha
Overheard by Didn’t know the concept was so difficult.

Young woman, whispering angrily: I’ve been trying to call you, motherfucker, ’cause I ain’t had my period!

Minneapolis, Hallway to side entrance of my office building
Overheard by Oh, that can’t be good.

Account rep: We’re not here to determine temperatures of people’s pee.

Lakeville, The Office
Overheard by Jeremy Q. Afterglide.

Mom to 4 year old daughter: Don’t put makeup on your brother! (pause) Quit kissing your brother! (3 and 4 year old keep kissing and applying makeup)

Bloomington, Bike Shop
Overheard by Solidarity for oppressed youth…

Dunk guy loudly to his female companion: Look, I’m not trying to get laid.  I have to work tomorrow.

Minneapolis, Chino Latino
Overheard by: Well that makes me feel better.