Ditzy girl: Mom, they make this wonderbra in the pattern of my life.

Maplewood, Mall

Girl (who kept saying “fail!” while watching the wave get started) as the wave closes in on our section: Oh my god! Here comes another wave. It’s the epitome of fail!

The Dome for the Twins final reg season game against the Royals
Overheard by Please don’t use “fail” as the noun in a prepositional phrase in casual conversation again.

Jock student trying to impress the girls in his vehicle, to man on bike: Get a car, asshole!
Man on bike: I have one you lazy bastard!

Minneapolis, Dinkytown
Overheard by Nice Rebuttal!

Teen Girl (standing next to friend in the middle of the hallway): Don’t you just love standing here?
Friend: Yeah, I feel like I’m just sinking into the floor.
Teen Girl: I’M SLEEPING!

Plymouth, Wayzata High School

Emo punk #1:  Man, people don’t know.  Beggin’ is, like, way harder than working, right?  It’s not easy sitting out here begging and looking retarded and sh&t!
Emo punk #2:  (nodding in agreement)

Uptown, in front of McDonalds
Overheard by Are you serious??

College Bro to bro friend: Dude! One time I pissed the bed with my girlfriend in it! (laughing)

Minneapolis, Dinkytown
Overheard by let’s hope she dumped you.

Elderly Lady #1: Do you still have the sweaty bed?
Elderly Lady #2: Yes!

St. Paul, outside Finnish Bistro
Overheard by neophyte cataloger.

Male friend to a female friend: Yeah, I’ve found that when they start to get out of hand you just put a little whiskey on the nipple.

Metrodome
Overheard by Context, please?!

Young man on cell phone: I think I left mah teef in yo car.

St. Paul, Rice Street White Castle
Overheard by Slider Pilot.

Young kid at Twins game, when the Twins were losing: Mom, start a ruckus!

Metrodome
Overheard by me.

Moron Cell-mate watching Vikings game: That guys SUCKS! I could be a better quarterack with my DICK!

St. Peter, Nicollet County Jail
Overheard by D.R.B. Can’t wait to go home…

Male Student: …she bit off his genitals, and then a centipede crawled out of his mouth.
Female Student: (gasp)

MCTC
Overheard by Sandbox.