Post-lunch guy to friend: Is he still in that long distance marriage thing?

Saint Paul, Bethel University
Overheard by aeh.

Effeminate man to friend: You know what sucks about it being chilly out?
Friend: What?
Man: Ugly people look even uglier when in layers.

U of M, Washington Ave Bridge
Overheard by A.

IT guy: When the nukes start flying, that’s where I’m going. Perkins.

Lakeville, The Office
Overheard by I’m going to Chipotle.

Drunk, white trash guy: No, girl! That was my step-daddy! My real daddy’s a gang banger. Shiiiiiiiit, girl.

Shakopee, Trail of Terror, Hayride

Roommate #1: But if she has a denty-face…
Roommate #2: Well, that has no bearing on her sphincter.

U of M apartment
Overheard by Roommate #3.

Middle-aged woman (to girls in their early 20s): You all look so great, I love your dresses. What did you girls do today?
Girl: Thank you, we all went to brunch this morning.
Middle-aged woman: Well, you look so sharp. (pauses, waits until girls walk away, turns to friend) Ugh, I wish I didn’t have kids so I could go to brunch!

St. Paul, Downtown, Art Crawl
Overheard by A.

Man in stall #1: Hey, who poops ON the seat? Sick!
Man in stall #2: You mean, who poops in the seat?
Man in stall #1: You can’t poop in the seat, you poop in the bowl.
Man in stall #2: Wait, why are you sitting in poop?!?

Minneapolis, Chambers Kitchen Men’s Room
Overheard by I think I’ll hold it.

5th Grade Boy to Friend: I’m a man! I have pubes and you don’t!

Duluth, Lowell Elementary
Overheard by mhac.

Ditsy girl talking to friend: Well, my boyfriend… and I don’t know if you know this but a lot of guys, when they drink, wet the bed.

Melrose Apartment Complex, U of M
Overheard by No sweetie, that’s just what he tells you.