Small child: Hey, dad, can we take the quarters out of the fountain?
Father: Not now. That’s what we do after dark when we put our ski masks on.

Mall of America
Overheard by Rappeling from the ceiling for spare change.

One 7th grade boy to another: I didn’t know Martin Luther King Jr. was black!

Bloomington, Middle School
Overheard by scared for the future of education.

Young Boy: Owww, you’re hurting me!
Older Sister pulling boy by wrist: Maybe you should drink more milk!

Maplewood, School Conferences
Overheard by An amused teacher.

Kindergartner, upon seeing long line: Awwww, we have to wait forever now!
Mother: It’s OK, the line will move quickly.
Kindergertner: If Batman were here he could just fly up to the front of this line… (in dramatic voice) because he’s BATMAN!!!

Roseville, Post Office
Overheard by FLAWlessly argued, young man.

Pouting newlywed wife: I feel like we don’t spend enough time together.
Seething newlywed husband: (grinds teeth)
Pouting newlywed wife: Enough quality time.
Seething newlywed husband: (remains silent)
Pouting newlywed wife: Would you like me to tell you what quality time is?
Seething newlywed husband: (about to speak, thinks better of it)
Pouting newlywed wife: 23 hours a day.

St. Paul, The Happy Gnome
Overheard by Good, that leaves one hour for him to think of a response.

Teenage guy to two guy friends: Dude, we should see who can get their girlfriend to go the longest without shaving her legs!

St. Paul, Como Park Zoo
Overheard by Old Guy Who’s Keeping His Girlfriend As-is.

Man on the bus: I’m King Kong, Godzilla MOTHERFUCKER! I’m the KING of Lake Street, motherfucker!

#5 Bus heading North from South Minneapolis
Overheard by Jillian.

Rather loud 20-something woman to what seemed like her boyfriend: Gross! Did you even floss?! Oh my God, I’m so blogging about this!

18 bus downtown
Overheard by i’m so not reading that.

20 something on his cell phone: Yah, I went to rehab for that actually.

Bloomington, Mall of America
Overheard by work is entertaining.

Brunette #1: Do you guys want water?
Brunette #2: Yes.
Brunette #1: Barb, Barb, do you want water, Barb?
Barb, interrupting her order: Yes!
Brunette #2, to Barb in a hushed voice after Brunette #1 brings water to the table and leaves again: Oh my god! Was there water on the table when we got here?
Barb, unsure: Maybe.
Brunette #2, excitedly: I just drank it. I just drank strange table water. I’m going to get sick now, it tasted funny, it tasted like germs.
Barb: Oh wait, you know, those are our waters.
(pause)
Brunette #2: Oh that’s right, I think it was just really cold then.

Northeast Minneapolis, Wilde Roast
Overheard by Chai Tea.

Very drunk Iowa fan in line to order another beer: Sometimes my poop is green.

Metrodome, Iowa/Minnesota game
Overheard by I’m an Iowa fan too and my poop is normal.

Disheveled man to friend: Those shoes look really comfortable. What are those, like, deer wool?

Bloomington, Perkins
Overheard by Wearing a Sheep fur t-shirt.

Mid-20’s guy: They have whiskey AND hooches!  What could be better?!

St. Paul, Moose Country
Overheard by a.lil.

Female: Are you going to invite me into your den of seduction?

Saint Paul, Concordia

Guy with comb over: No really, it was a granny smith apple.  It came shooting out of his arse.

Minneapolis, Chang Meng Thai
Overheard by He Who Spit Fried Rice Everywhere.

18 year old guy #1: Dude, I hate when she sticks her fingers in my ears.
18 year old guy #2: Wait, so that DOESN’T turn you on?

Stillwater, Downtown Starbucks
Overheard by luke.

College girl to college boy: I’d be the only one there in an argyle straight jacket!  How cute would that be?

Edina, Jo-Ann Store
Overheard by DK.

Woman: I got a ten year old.
Sales Lady holding up a shirt: Okay, how about this?
Woman: No, she big.  She’s got some junk in her trunk.

St Louis Park, Opitz
Overheard by huh.

Loud woman browsing VHS: Should I get this?
Male companion: You know, Oliver Stone’s movies are, like, entertaining, but they don’t, uh, have any value for shit. It’s like they have no, uh, redeeming social, uh, quality. I mean…
Loud woman: Ooh! Gremlins!

Minneapolis, Cheapo Basement
Overheard by Really? Thanks for sharing.

Cute, 20’s something, professional woman: You know, sometimes I just really wish I knew what it’s like to be slutty!

Minneapolis, Chino Latino