Archive for the ‘all’ Category
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It Was Worth A Shot
Passenger, while looking confused at the check-in kiosk: Ma’am, can you give me a hand with this?
Agent, without skipping a beat: I’ll hold your hand, but I won’t go all the way with you.Minneapolis-St. Paul Int’l Airport- Terminal 1, US Airways ticket counter
Overheard by Listening4Laughs. -
We Should Hire Another Person
Marketing Guy: We have to ship 150,000 units on Friday or else.
Marketing Girl: Well, how many did we ship last year on Black Friday?
Marketing Guy, pulls up report: …Seven.Chanhassen, Office
Overheard by pratt. -
Then The Answer Is Never
Teen in Back: Hey, driver, when is the Lowry Bridge going to open?
Driver: Next spring.
Teen in Back: Aren’t we not supposed to be alive by then?Minneapolis, 32 to Robbinsdale
Overheard by aeh. -
We All Believe In Something
Bootylicious Girl #1: Girl, I can’t believe you did that with him. You nasty.
Bootylicious Girl #2: No, girl! I went to church twice last weekend, so it don’t count.
Bootylicious Girl #1: Oh, well you didn’t say that. Still, that’s nasty.
Bootylicious Girl #2: Ya, but God forgives me.Minneapolis, Downtown Target
Overheard by Do The Wiggle. -
Raising Money For College Is Hard
Woman in front to driver: My sister is 40 and has 7 grandkids. One time I was over and she was teaching the 3 year old how to use that pole.
Minneapolis, 32 to Rosedale Center
Overheard by aeh. -
It’s Clumsy But It Works
Tan teenage boy to tan female friend: My mom wants me to hang out with you more.
Tan teenage girl: Why?
Tan teenage boy: Because you’re Mexican.Maplewood, Mounds Park Academy
Overheard by I want to hang out with you because I’m Asian! -
Isn’t That Enough?
3 year old boy, as he almost falls: Oh, Jesus.
Nanny: Do you know who Jesus is?
3 year old boy: Yes, of course.
Nanny: What does he do?
3 year old boy: He delivers us from evil. Duh.
Nanny: What else does Jesus do?
3 year old boy: I have no idea!Shoreview, Park
Overheard by just another nanny. -
The Bus Is A Good Place To Find All Three
Man, in awkward conversation with woman about why he is on the bus: There’s nothing to do in Mound but drink. Do you drink?
Woman: No, I’ve never been much of a drinker. How much do you drink?
Man: Every day.
Woman: What do you drink?
Man: Whiskey.
Woman: Does your brother drink too?
Man: No, he does weed.
Woman: Oh, I hate weed. If anything, I like oxycodone.On the border of Minnetonka and Wayzata, 675 Bus to Mound (aka, Most of Us Need Drugs)
Overheard by Spoonbridge. -
We’re Here To Run Pants Out Of Town
Woman at party, to friend: We’re both wearing dresses. Obviously, we’re in a posse.
Columbia Heights, house party
Overheard by sxoidmal. -
I Drink To Forget My Drug Addiction
Tattooed male hipster: So, I’ve decided to stop doing X all the time, ’cause basically all my life’s experiences I’ve been on X and I want to start experiencing things, you know?
Hipster gal pal: Yeah, I get ya. So, how’s it going?
Tattooed male hipster: Well, the first thing I did was go to Happy Hour and just drink, and it actually went really well.Minneapolis, The Bad Waitress
Overheard by Thats one way to get a new lease on life. -
Seriously Out Of Context Of The Day
Woman yelling to man down the hall: Hey, I’ve already primed the pump with that guy, so he should go real easy.
Bloomington, Office Building Resembling a Sand Crawler
Overheard by Plumbing I Don’t Want to Know About. -
It’s On A Good Plan, Too
Man in bright orange suit: My phone doesn’t do text messages, but I’ve got the original text message… the Bible!
Minneapolis, Back of 21 bus on Lake St.
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I Brought My Own Bag
Checkout Clerk: Hi! Would you like your face wrapped in plastic?
Minneapolis, Whole Foods on Excelsior
Overheard by sxoidmal. -
Define Successful
60-something woman telling her friend about the engagement of a younger couple: I think this will be a very successful first marriage.
Minneapolis, Downtown restaurant at lunch
Overheard by Jerod. -
And Now A Broken Leg Of Lamb
20something Girl #1: I feel more tender right now than I ever have before. I feel just like the tenderest little leg of lamb.
20something Girl #2: Ha ha, that’s funny.Minneapolis, Midtown Greenway
Overheard by A. Johnson. -
Ginger Profiling
Guy #1: I think we’ve met before.
Guy #2: No, I’m pretty sure we haven’t.
Guy #1: Oh, okay. (Walks away)
Guy #2, to girlfriend: I think it’s the ginger, freckle-face thing. Once you’ve seen one, you think you’ve seen us all.Uptown Minneapolis, House Party
Overheard by a unique-looking brunette. -
The Secret Is Out
Intoxicated Donald Glover fan at concert: Why is he so sexy?
Intoxicated friend of intoxicated fan: Because he is black.Minneapolis, Varsity Theater
Overheard by This Gal! -
Don’t Take Drugs That You Find In The Dumpster
Woman walking, talking to herself: If ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ were beagles, we’d all be princes and princesses. Of beagles.
Minneapolis, 27th & Colfax
Overheard by Dwight. -
I Don’t Follow
Customer in line, to cashier: What’s the deal with the 4-for-$9 on Pepsi products?
Cashier to bag boy: Hey, what’s the deal with the 4-for-$9 on Pepsi products?
Bag boy, to cashier: You buy 4 you get them for $9.
Cashier to customer: You buy 4 you get them for $9.
Customer: Oh.Chanhassen, Byerly’s
Overheard by shopper #8. -
There’s One Way To Find Out
Kid: Mom, do we have to be good in here?
Mom, trying to hurry: Yes. We always have to be good in the library.
Kid: Why?
Mom: Because good things happen to good people.
Kid: Why?
Mom, getting frustrated: Because that’s the way things work, honey.
Kid: Is there a God?
Mom, at wit’s end: I sure hope so!St Paul, Merriam Park Library
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