Flustered, red-faced, sweating young father to wailing, inconsolable infant: FUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOU!
Minneapolis, Central Library Lot
Overheard by TwinCitizen.
20-something woman, to boyfriend walking alongside: It’s like, look, I live at my house, and you live at your house, and sometimes we meet halfway in between and fuck. You get it?
Minneapolis, Midtown Greenway
Overheard by Hoping “halfway in between” is an enclosed space of some sort.
20 something man: I felt bad for that 3-legged dog until I saw his dick is bigger than his nub.
Minneapolis, Psycho Suzi’s Patio
Overheard by NordeastLove.
Older man reminiscing with friend: Yea, man, I used to live in this neighborhood 30 years ago. Seen a lot of shows at the Cabooze. Intermission I used to say ‘Let’s go home, get a pizza, and fuck.’ That line worked, too. Nobody believed it did, but it did.
Minneapolis, Seward neighborhood
Overheard by I’m gonna have to try that one.
Girl #1: Wait… did Tuttles get a makeover?
Girl #2: Yeah! I kinda want to go inside.
Girl #1: Maybe I’ll start bowling there.
Girl #3: Makes me want to fuck in their bathrooms.
Hopkins, Shady Oak Road
Overheard by Passer Byer.
Woman to coworker: If it’s not 18 inches it just doesn’t feel right.
Minneapolis, Wells Fargo Home Mortgage office elevator
Overheard by wanting to meet some of YOUR friends.
Man peeing in urinal: I have an extra three inches of dick behind my balls. (Silence from the crowded restroom) Scientifically it’s true. That’s what they say. (Longer silence. Man angrily flushes the urinal and leaves.)
Roseville, AMC Theater
Overheard by Next in line.
Drunk Guy: Honestly, though, is the baby really my responsibility if I don’t remember cumming?
Minneapolis, 4th St, Dinkytown
Overheard by ItSureIs.
20-something male: His dick bigger than mine, but when they hard they the same size.
20-something female: How do you know?
20-something male: Because we jerk off together.
20-something female: Really? Do guys do that?
20-something male: Yeah, I jerked off next to, let’s see, James, Chris, Kevin…
20-something female: Kevin’s dick quivers when he comes.
(a few minutes later)
20-something male: See, that’s what I like about you. The other girls I fuck around with, they only care who got the weed, who can drive. You different. You’re in it for me.
Minneapolis, #2 Bus
Overheard by Bland Social Life.
Stranger to couple: Does he lick cocaine off your labia?
Minneapolis, 331 Club
Overheard by aeh.
Girl sitting behind me, when the hot dog vendor set down his carrier: I’m getting a facial from this wiener steam!
Minneapolis, May 6 Twins Game, Target Field
Overheard by Luke D.
Man with facial hair to friend: Then I got jizz in my goatee.
Bloomington, Twin City Grill
Overheard by Kirsten.
Guy: Why he call you so early? Tell him to call you at breakfast time or lunch time. He called you at fucking time!
Girl: What, 8:42 is fucking time?
Minneapolis, #10 Bus
Overheard by QuoteRadar.
Drunk girl to drunk male friend: Hey man, I know she was giving you a handjob in the last bar, but seriously, let’s just go drink!
St. Paul, Shamrocks
Guy eating gyro: Man, this shit is good. Pussy is better though.
Minneapolis, riding the 2
Overheard by The Gyro Did Look Good.
Dude: I’m nothing but class. I’m the Dean Martin of trading drugs for pussy.
Minneapolis, bar on 7 Corners
Overheard by My BlackBerry wants no part of your Rat Pack.
Thug speaking loudly to friend: I found out that bitch was only seventeen after I fucked her. Man, fuck that bitch!
Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors
Overheard by What’s your birthdate?
Girl, to her friends: And then she touched my clitoris! And it was NOT okay. And it was NOT okay.
Minneapolis, First Avenue, Doomtree
Overheard by What Would Grandma Think?
High school football player: But, if I fucked her sister, she’d be mad at me, like, all day!
Minnetonka High School
Overheard by the entire day?
Bearded Guy: Tina Fey has a scar on her face?
Quite possibly stoned dude: Yeah man, she got all fucked up as a kid somehow.
Bearded Guy: I’d fuck the shit out of that scar!
Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors