Guy eating gyro: Man, this shit is good. Pussy is better though.

Minneapolis, riding the 2
Overheard by The Gyro Did Look Good.

Dude: I’m nothing but class. I’m the Dean Martin of trading drugs for pussy.

Minneapolis, bar on 7 Corners
Overheard by My BlackBerry wants no part of your Rat Pack.

Thug speaking loudly to friend: I found out that bitch was only seventeen after I fucked her. Man, fuck that bitch!

Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors
Overheard by What’s your birthdate?

Girl, to her friends: And then she touched my clitoris! And it was NOT okay. And it was NOT okay.

Minneapolis, First Avenue, Doomtree
Overheard by What Would Grandma Think?

Bearded Guy: Tina Fey has a scar on her face?
Quite possibly stoned dude: Yeah man, she got all fucked up as a kid somehow.
Bearded Guy: I’d fuck the shit out of that scar!

Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors

Young Freshmen girl: And then he JIZZED in my eye!

Minneapolis, Southwest High School
Overheard by Riveria Sanchez.

20-something Asian girl: My clitoris is like a small penis.

Minneapolis, the 6 bus route
Overheard by Riveria Sanchez.

20-Something-Girl: His penis had this strange flap of skin hanging off the end. I couldn’t even see the head of his dick.
20-Something-Guy: Ok? So, he was uncircumsized?
20-Something-Girl: OH MY GOD! I only thought they had that in England!

Minneapolis, Potbellys Sandwiches
Overheard by Big Ben is UnCut.

Bartender: You’re 21 now; you will suck dick and you will like it. It’s time to be an adult.

Minneapolis, Drink in Uptown
Overheard by i dont remember that initiation into adulthood.

Girl to guy: You made her go to church? You fucking asshole!

Minneapolis, Cedar Lake East Beach
Overheard by Oh, the horror.

Woman, to distracted man across the table: Are you eye fucking somebody?
Proud man: Well, no, I was eye finger banging her.

Minneapolis, Uptown Bar
Overheard by Well in that, case carry on.

Girl in stall: Why am I such a fucking slut??
Girl at sink: Because you ate that Fiber One bar, you cunt!!

Dinkytown, Blarney ladies room
Overheard by interesting logic.

Buff Frat Boy #1: Look, dude, I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but you need to stop telling me about you and Tina’s sex life, cause it’s all I can think about now when I jack off.
Buff Frat Boy #2: No shame in that, dude. It’s kind of flattering.
Buff Frat Boy #1: Ok, cool. Well, carry on then.

Minneapolis, in line at Starbucks
Overheard by Bromance At It’s Finest.

Girl on cell phone: They were playing poker for, like, FOUR HOURS last night. I know, seriously! Like, helllooooo, come fuck me!

Minneapolis, Uptown McDonalds
Overheard by Where are my pocket rockets?

Guy (loudly, on cell phone): So, how was your night? Lots of penis, I heard??

Minneapolis, Leaving Loring Park, after Music and Movies
Overheard by Stephan?

Artsy guy on bike to artsy girl on bike: I wish you wanted my nuts right now.

Northeast Minneapolis, right lane of Broadway Avenue
Overheard by driver passing by w/the windows down.

Woman in bathroom stall: This bathroom smells like pussy! (sniffs) And TUMS!

Minneapolis, Macy’s
Overheard by okay?

Guy: I bet having your toes sucked feels good, but I would feel bad if a girl were sucking my toes, because that would be gross.
Girl: But you wouldn’t feel bad about her putting your dick in her mouth?
Guy: Well no, I don’t walk around on my dick all day.

Uptown, Hidden Beach

Drunk Girlfriend: Would you rather rape me or shoot me?
Drunk Boyfriend: Right now I’d like to shoot you.
Drunk Girlfriend: But if you raped me, then you could at least get off.

Minneapolis, on the lightrail between the dome and Ft. Snelling

White tween girl to other white tween girl: I mean, just because she had some black in her for, like, 5 minutes doesn’t make her black.

Minneapolis, on 50th street between Bryant and Aldrich