Thug speaking loudly to friend: I found out that bitch was only seventeen after I fucked her. Man, fuck that bitch!

Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors
Overheard by What’s your birthdate?

High school football player: But, if I fucked her sister, she’d be mad at me, like, all day!

Minnetonka High School
Overheard by the entire day?

Bearded Guy: Tina Fey has a scar on her face?
Quite possibly stoned dude: Yeah man, she got all fucked up as a kid somehow.
Bearded Guy: I’d fuck the shit out of that scar!

Minneapolis, Zipp’s Liquors

Buff Frat Boy #1: Look, dude, I don’t want to sound gay or anything, but you need to stop telling me about you and Tina’s sex life, cause it’s all I can think about now when I jack off.
Buff Frat Boy #2: No shame in that, dude. It’s kind of flattering.
Buff Frat Boy #1: Ok, cool. Well, carry on then.

Minneapolis, in line at Starbucks
Overheard by Bromance At It’s Finest.

Girl on cell phone: They were playing poker for, like, FOUR HOURS last night. I know, seriously! Like, helllooooo, come fuck me!

Minneapolis, Uptown McDonalds
Overheard by Where are my pocket rockets?

Punk #1: He likes his girls how he likes Fun Dip.
Punk #2: Huh?
Punk #1: Six flavors all at once on his stick!

St. Paul, Fairgrounds
Overheard by How is that even possible?

White tween girl to other white tween girl: I mean, just because she had some black in her for, like, 5 minutes doesn’t make her black.

Minneapolis, on 50th street between Bryant and Aldrich

Student #1: So, I asked her if she wanted to fuck.
Student #2: (disbelieving) You asked her if she wanted to fuck?!
Student #1: Well, not in so many words; but she said ‘no’.  She said she was on her period.

St. Paul, The University of St. Thomas
Overheard by Not In So Many Words…

Fat white guy to fat black guy: You look like you’re feeling good, mind if I ask what you been eating?
Fat black guy: Only the finest pussy!
Fat white guy: Lord have mercy!
Fat black guy: With a little mustard, mmm mmm!
Fat white guy: Lordy, Lordy!

Minneapolis, Warehouse District/Hennepin Ave lightrail station
Overheard by mustard?

Bro #1: Dude, do you have any idea what it’s like for another man to ask if he can fuck you?!
Bro #2: No, dude.
Bro #1: It fucking sucks dude!

Minneapolis, Frat Row in Dinkytown
Overheard by I’ll bet.

Mid-20s guy: I’d give it to her from behind, that’s how I’d give it to her. Yeah. (long pause) While homeless people watch.

St. Paul, State Capitol
Overheard by a.lil.

Drunk guy: You know, you’re cute for a blonde. And I don’t like blondes.
Blonde girl: Hm, thanks.
Drunk guy: (stares at blonde girl for a second with grin on face) Soooo, do you want to fuck? After I go to the bathroom?

Minneapolis, First Ave, Lily Allen concert

Middle-aged black man on his cell phone: You mean to tell me, that you fuckin’ my ho? (pause) She comin’ well? (pause) In yo’ room?! (pause) Payin’ yo’ RENT?! WOOOOooooo.

6U Northbound
Overheard by ak.

40 something business man on cell phone in slice line: You just let ME fuck that cat.

Minneapolis, Pizza Luce Downtown
Overheard by Slicetro.

Early 20-something girl to mid-20’s guy: Whatever!  Go suck a dick!  I’m tired…

Minneapolis, Barfly
Overheard by jenc17.

Drunk bro to another bro: Dude, I hope there’s some hot chicks here tonight, I want to put my wiener on one.

St. Paul, Wild Onion men’s bathroom
Overheard by Keep it in your pants.

Woman, to man: Look, I simply cannot–cannot–suck your cock.

St. Paul, Metro State University
Overheard by sxoidmal.

Highschool Girl: This shirt fits like my boyfriend; TOO SMALL!!

MOA
Overheard by Uncomfortable Fitting Room Attendant.

Drunk Girl: Oh my God, PLEASE do not tell me you fucked him before he added you on Facebook!

Dinkytown, Burrito Loco
Overheard by …Cause it’s totally different if you’re already facebook friends.